for
Avignon when she sold it to Pope Clement the Sixth, and being held unfit
for an engineer because he could not tell.
1 The builder of Pont-y-Pryd.
_Miss Ilex._ That is an odd question, doctor. But how much did she get
for it?
_The Rev. Dr. Opimian._ Nothing. He promised ninety thousand golden
florins, but he did not pay one of them: and that, I suppose, is the
profound sense of the question. It is true he paid her after a fashion,
in his own peculiar coin. He absolved her of the murder of her first
husband, and perhaps he thought that was worth the money. But how many
of our legislators could answer the question? Is it not strange
that candidates for seats in Parliament should not be subjected to
competitive examination? Plato and Persius{1} would furnish good hints
for it. I should like to see honourable gentlemen having to answer such
questions as are deemed necessary tests for government clerks, before
they would be held qualified candidates for seats in the legislature.
That would be something like a reform in the Parliament. Oh that it were
so, and I were the examiner! Ha, ha, ha, what a comedy!
1 Plato: Alcibiades, i.; Persius: Sat. iv.
The doctor's hearty laugh was contagious, and Miss Ilex joined in it.
Mr. MacBorrowdale came up.
__Mr. MacBorrowdale.__ You are as merry as if you had discovered the
object of Jack of Dover's quest:
_The Rev. Dr. Opimian._ Something very like it. We have an honourable
gentleman under competitive examination for a degree in legislative
wisdom.
_Mr. MacBorrowdale._ Truly, that is fooling competition to the top of
its bent.
_The Rev. Dr. Opimian._ Competitive examination for clerks, and none
for legislators, is not this an anomaly? Ask the honourable member
for Muckborough on what acquisitions in history and mental and moral
philosophy he founds his claim of competence to make laws for the
nation. He can only tell you that he has been chosen as the most
conspicuous Grub among the Moneygrubs of his borough to be the
representative of all that is sordid, selfish, hard-hearted,
unintellectual, and antipatriotic, which are the distinguishing
qualities of the majority among them. Ask a candidate for a clerkship
what are his qualifications? He may answer, 'All that are requisite:
reading, writing, and arithmetic.' 'Nonsense,' says the questioner. 'Do
you know the number of miles in direct distance from Timbuctoo to the
top of Chimborazo?' 'I do not,' says
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