very sceptical and slightly cynical person.
But with what rapturous tumult of the heart she could abandon herself to
a belief in human virtues when their suggestion seemed to promise her a
future of happiness!
Alone in her room she sat down only to think of Jasper Milvain, and
extract from the memory of his words, his looks, new sustenance for
her hungry heart. Jasper was the first man who had ever evinced a
man's interest in her. Until she met him she had not known a look
of compliment or a word addressed to her emotions. He was as far as
possible from representing the lover of her imagination, but from the
day of that long talk in the fields near Wattleborough the thought of
him had supplanted dreams. On that day she said to herself: I could love
him if he cared to seek my love. Premature, perhaps; why, yes, but one
who is starving is not wont to feel reluctance at the suggestion of
food. The first man who had approached her with display of feeling and
energy and youthful self-confidence; handsome too, it seemed to her. Her
womanhood went eagerly to meet him.
Since then she had made careful study of his faults. Each conversation
had revealed to her new weakness and follies. With the result that her
love had grown to a reality.
He was so human, and a youth of all but monastic seclusion had prepared
her to love the man who aimed with frank energy at the joys of life.
A taint of pedantry would have repelled her. She did not ask for high
intellect or great attainments; but vivacity, courage, determination to
succeed, were delightful to her senses. Her ideal would not have been
a literary man at all; certainly not a man likely to be prominent
in journalism; rather a man of action, one who had no restraints of
commerce or official routine. But in Jasper she saw the qualities that
attracted her apart from the accidents of his position. Ideal personages
do not descend to girls who have to labour at the British Museum; it
seemed a marvel to her, and of good augury, that even such a man as
Jasper should have crossed her path.
It was as though years had passed since their first meeting. Upon her
return to London had followed such long periods of hopelessness. Yet
whenever they encountered each other he had look and speech for her with
which surely he did not greet every woman. From the first his way of
regarding her had shown frank interest. And at length had come the
confession of his 'respect,' his desire to be somet
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