hem happy.... But first
there must be verbs... there had been cahiers of them... first, second,
third conjugation.... It was impudence, an impudent invasion... the
dreadful clever, foreign school.... They would laugh at her.... She
began to repeat the English alphabet.... She doubted whether, faced with
a class, she could reach the end without a mistake.... She reached Z and
went on to the parts of speech.

5

There would be a moment when she must have an explanation with the
Fraulein. Perhaps she could tell her that she found the teaching was
beyond her scope and then find a place somewhere as a servant. She
remembered things she had heard about German servants--that whenever
they even dusted a room they cleaned the windows and on Sundays they
waited at lunch in muslin dresses and afterwards went to balls. She
feared even the German servants would despise her. They had never been
allowed into the kitchen at home except when there was jam-making... she
had never made a bed in her life.... A shop? But that would mean knowing
German and being quick at giving change. Impossible. Perhaps she could
find some English people in Hanover who would help her. There was an
English colony she knew, and an English church. But that would be like
going back. That must not happen. She would rather stay abroad on any
terms--away from England--English people. She had scented something,
a sort of confidence, everywhere, in her hours in Holland, the brisk
manner of the German railway officials and the serene assurance of the
travelling Germans she had seen, confirmed her impression. Away out
here, the sense of imminent catastrophe that had shadowed all her life
so far, had disappeared. Even here in this dim carriage, with disgrace
ahead she felt that there was freedom somewhere at hand. Whatever
happened she would hold to that.

6

She glanced up at her small leather handbag lying in the rack and
thought of the solid money in her purse. Twenty-five shillings. It was a
large sum and she was to have more as she needed.

She glanced across at the pale face with its point of reddish beard, the
long white hands laid one upon the other on the crossed knees. He had
given her twenty-five shillings and there was her fare and his, and his
return fare and her new trunk and all the things she had needed. It
must be the end of taking money from him. She was grown up. She was
the strong-minded one. She must manage. With a false position