EARLY
MUSTARD AND CRESS ON WINTER UNDERCLOTHING.]

* * * * *

"The National War Savings Committee is issuing a two-penny cookery
book, giving a host of simple remedies for economical dishes."
_Birmingham Daily Mail_.

Some of them do upset the internal economy, no doubt.

* * * * *

"St. Quentin Canal, in spite of the damage reported to have been
done to it by the Germans, will probably still be an important
military obstacle. It is, for instance, when full of water, over
eight feet deep." _Daily News_.

When full of beer it becomes absolutely impassable.

* * * * *

Extract from a regimental notice:--

"I am glad to inform you that a Special Order ... guarantees
your admission to this Regiment on your release from the Postal
Service.... If attested and passed into Class A for Service, you
should apply to your Recruiting Officer, who will post you and
forward you here on an A.F. B. 216."

An appropriate and convenient arrangement.

* * * * *

[Illustration: =ERIN TAKES A TURN AT HER OWN HARP.=

WITH MR. PUNCH'S SINCERE GOOD WISHES FOR THE SUCCESS OF THE IRISH
CONVENTION.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: IN HAPPY DAYS TO COME.

_Non-Politician_ (_in remote country-house, to wife on her midnight
return from county town_).

"MABEL, YOU'VE BEEN VOTING."]

* * * * *

=ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.=

_Monday, May 21st_.--Mr. MACCALLUM SCOTT complained that a question
of his relating to the prohibition of "dropped scones"--which Captain
BATHURST, that encyclopaedia of food-lore, described as falling "under
the same category as the crumpet"--had been addressed to the Ministry
of Munitions instead of the Ministry of Food. It was really a venial
error on the part of the Clerk at the Table, for the modern scone
distinctly suggests a missile of offence, and is much more like a
"crump" than a crumpet. If HINDENBURG were acquainted with our London
tea-shops (_consule_ DEVONPORT) he would never have imagined that his
famous phrase about "biting upon granite" would have any terrors for
the British recruit.

When the PRIME MINISTER read from his manuscripts the proposed
conditions of the Irish Convention--how it must include
representatives not only of political parties, but of C