eir tenants to be placed under the heel of the Control
Board.... It was the cloven hoof of the unseen hand that the trade
had to face in Carlisle."--_Derby Daily Express_.

Mr. MINNS must cheer up. The Trade has only to wait for

"That auspicious day when the velvet glove will be stripped for
ever from the cloven hoof of the German Eagle."--_London Opinion_.

* * * * *

"The fact that a few girls earn abnormal wages has obscured in the
public mind the the Board to accept the gift a Bill is to be
age girl working 48 hours a week earned only 18s. or 19s. a
week."--_Daily Paper_.

This statement should go far to clear up the obscurity in the public
mind.

* * * * *

"Mr. ---- gave one of his popular lectures on 'Alcohol' and its
effects on March the 30th in the Wesleyan school."--_True Blue
Magazine_.

What exactly did happen on March 30th in the Wesleyan school?

* * * * *

"WANTED, Smart Workman, aged 80, and exempt from military
service, as handy man; must be steady; a job for life for careful
man."--_Cambria Daily Leader_.

He must be particularly careful to guard against premature decease.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Waitress_. "WE HAVE A VERY REALISTIC MOCK-POTATO
SOUP."]

* * * * *

=EMILY'S MISSION.=

It was all through Emily that I am to-day the man I am.

We were extraordinarily lucky to get her; there was no doubt about
that. Her testimonials or character or references or whatever it is
that they come to you with were just the last word. Even the head of
the registry-office, a frigid thin-lipped lady of some fifty winters,
with an unemotional cold-mutton eye, was betrayed, in speaking of
Emily, into a momentary lapse from the studied English of her normal
vocabulary.

"Madam," she said to my wife, "I have known many housemaids, but never
one like this. She is, I assure you, Madam, absolutely IT."

So we engaged her; and ere long I came to hate her with a hatred such
as I trust I shall never again cherish for any human being.

In almost every respect she proved perfection. She was honest, she
was quick, she was clean; she loved darning my socks and ironing my
handkerchiefs; she never sulked, she never smashed, her hair never
wisped (a thing I loathe in housemaids). In one point