bit, 'Waiter,' says he, 'ain't them the
Falls of Niagara, I see there?'

"'No, Sir.'

"'Well, that's tarnation all over now. Not the Falls?'

"'No, Sir.'

"'Why, you don't mean to say, that them are ain't the Falls?'

"'Yes, I do, Sir.'

"'Heaven and airth! I've come hundreds of miles a puppus to see 'em, and
nothin' else; not a bit of trade, or speckelation, or any airthly thing
but to see them cussed Falls, and come as near as 100 cents to a dollar,
startin' off without sein' 'em arter all. If it hadn't a been for that
are Britisher I was sold, that's a fact. Can I run down there and back
in half an hour in time for the stage?'

"'Yes, Sir, but you will have no time to see them.'

"'See 'em, cuss 'em, I don't want to see 'em, I tell you. I want to look
at 'em, I want to say I was to the Falls, that's all. Give me my hat,
quick! So them ain't the Falls! I ha'n't see'd the Falls of Niagara
arter all. What a devil of a take-in that is, ain't it?' And he dove
down stairs like a Newfoundland dog into a pond arter a stone, and out
of sight in no time.

"Now, you are as like Rufe, as two peas, Squire. You want to say, you
was to Liverpool, but you don't want to see nothin'.'

"Waiter."

"Sir."

"Is this Liverpool, I see out of the Winder?"

"Yes, sir."

"Guess I have seen Liverpool then. So this is the great city of
Liverpool, eh? When does the train start for London?"

"In half an hour, Sir?"

"Book me for London then, for I have been to Liverpool and seen the
city. Oh, take your place, Squire, you have seen Liverpool; and if you
see as much of all other places, as you have of this here one, afore you
return home, you will know most as much of England as them do that never
was there at all.

"I am sorry too, you won't go, Squire," added he, "for minister seems
kinder dull."

"Don't say another word, Mr. Slick," said I; "every thing shall give way
to him." And locking up my writing-desk I said: "I am ready."

"Stop, Squire," said he, "I've got a favour to ask of you. Don't for
gracious sake, say nothin' before Mr. Hopewell about that 'ere lark I
had last night arter landin', it would sorter worry him, and set him off
a-preachin', and I'd rather he'd strike me any time amost than lectur,
for he does it so tender and kindly, it hurts my feelins _like_, a
considerable sum. I've had a pretty how-do-ye-do about it this mornin',
and have had to plank down handsum', and do the thing genteel; but
Mister L