andlord found, I reckon, he had no fool to deal with, nother. He
comes to me, as soon as I was cleverly up this mornin', lookin' as full
of importance, as Jube Japan did when I put the Legation button on him.

"'Bad business this, Sir,' says he; 'never had such a scene in my house
before, Sir; have had great difficulty to prevent my sarvants takin' the
law of you.'

"'Ah,' sais I to myself, 'I see how the cat jumps; here's a little tid
bit of extortion now; but you won't find that no go, I don't think.'

"'You will have to satisfy them, Sir,' says he, 'or take the
consequences.'

"'Sartainly,' said I, 'any thin' you please: I leave it entirely to you;
jist name what you think proper, and I will liquidate it.'

"'I said, I knew you would behave like a gentleman, Sir,' sais he, 'for,
sais I, don't talk to me of law, name it to the gentleman, and he'll do
what is right; he'll behave liberal, you may depend.'

"'You said right,' sais I, 'and now, Sir, what's the damage?'

"'Fifty pounds, I should think about the thing, Sir,' said he.

"'Certainly,' said I, 'you shall have the fifty pounds, but you must
give me a receipt in full for it.'

"'By all means,' said he, and he was a cuttin' off full chisel to get a
stamp, when I sais, 'Stop,' sais I, 'uncle, mind and put in the receipt,
the bill of items, and charge 'em separate?'

"'Bill of items? sais he.

"'Yes,' sais I, 'let me see what each is to get. Well, there's the
waiter, now. Say to knockin' down the waiter and kicking him, so much;
then there's the barmaid so much, and so on. I make no objection, I am
willin' to pay all you ask, but I want to include all, for I intend to
post a copy of it in the elegant cabins of each of our splendid New York
Liners. This house convenes the Americans--they all know _me_. I want
them to know how their _Attache_ was imposed on, and if any American
ever sets foot in this cussed house agin I will pay his bill, and post
that up too, as a letter of credit for him.'

"'You wouldn't take that advantage of me, Sir?' said he.

"'I take no advantage,' sais I. 'I'll pay you what you ask, but you
shall never take advantage agin of another free and enlightened American
citizen, I can tell you.'

"'You must keep your money then, Sir,' said he, 'but this is not a fair
deal; no gentleman would do it.'

"'What's fair, I am willin' to do,' sais I; 'what's onfair, is what
you want to do. Now, look here: I knocked the waiter down; here is