duty well.

A peculiarly caustic but half-unconscious humour is the characteristic
of caddies everywhere, but particularly in the north, and while golfers
continue to lack absolute perfection, and their ministering attendants
to expect it from them every time, it will probably remain a
characteristic. A fair specimen was the remark of his caddie to a player
whose handicap was several strokes removed from scratch, and who, having
become badly bunkered on one occasion, tried nearly every iron club in
his bag in a vain endeavour to get out. The case was heartbreaking, and
he turned despairingly to his caddie with the question, "What on earth
shall I take now?" There was little encouragement in the answer, "Take
the 4.5 train." There is a good story also of a certain Welshman of
title who became enthusiastic over the game, though he did not excel at
it. He conceived that it would be a good thing to make a tour of the
famous Scottish courses with the object of improving his play, and in
due season he arrived at a certain famous green, where he employed as
his caddie an individual who had a considerable reputation for blunt
candour. The turf suffered severely every time this player made use of
his irons, and the caddie shook his head gloomily and sadly as he
witnessed the destructive work that went on daily. At last there came a
day when he could stand it no longer, and when the Welshman had taken a
mighty swipe at the ball with a heavy iron and made a deep excavation
for several inches behind it, the club carrier moaned painfully, "O
lord, man, hae mercy on puir auld Scotland!" It is said that the golfer
played no more on those links. It was on this same course that two
players went out one morning to play, and found a friend waiting alone
on the first tee, who said that he had fixed up a match with a certain
Captain Blank, who would be coming along presently. The possibility of a
foursome was considered, and a question was asked as to what kind of a
player the Captain was, his partner replying, "Oh, he is excellent. He
drives a good ball, plays his irons well, and is exceedingly useful at
the short game; in fact, he is a first-rate all-round man." Expecting
confirmation of this eulogium, he turned to his caddie and said, "You
know the Captain's play well enough. Now, what sort of a player would
you say he is?" The caddie replied scornfully, "Captain Blank! He canna
play a shot worth a d----. He's nae better than yoursel'!"