ve see you without a collar, no, not even the
very wife of your bosom. A man's head without a collar is like a
bouquet without a holder.

Never let her see you asleep. Maybe you sleep with your mouth open. If
you are married, let your wife sleep first. When you are quite sure she
is off, let yourself go--and be careful to wake up first in the
morning.

Never tell your lady-love that you are very steady in your affections,
and that every time that you love a woman it is for ever. If you think
she will enjoy the joke, you overrate her sense of humour.

If your wife or sweetheart be in love with you to such a degree that
she tells you she could never survive you if you happened to die,
reassure her and tell her that there is a way out of the
difficulty--her setting out first.

Don't let your wife see you shave. Your idiotic, cowed look, your
gaping mouth and grimaces are as many infallible remedies for love.

Never indulge in any little objectionable trick before the woman you
love. Great affections should never be trifled with. Madame Bovary, in
Gustave Flaubert's famous novel, took a dislike to her husband and went
helplessly wrong, because the latter, after eating, used to clean his
teeth by promenading his tongue inside his mouth. I sympathize with the
poor woman and feel rather inclined to forgive her.

CHAPTER IV

ADVICE TO THE MAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY

What should attract him in matrimony--At what age should people get
married?--Be superior to your wife in everything.

When you are dead, once said a cynic, it's for a long time; but when
you are married, it's for ever.

Therefore, before entering into the holy estate of matrimony, a man
could not be too careful in the choice of his partner.

Now, what should influence him most in that choice? Money? Never--oh,
never, unless it be out of philanthropy and on reflecting that, after
all, it would be very hard on rich girls to feel that they cannot marry
because they have money, and I do think that they want to marry as well
as others. Beauty, then? No; beauty passes away. Ugliness? Certainly
not; ugliness remains. What, then? An altogether of physical, moral,
and intellectual charms which fit in exactly with all the ideals of
that man, and, above all, a similarity of tastes.

After all, what is beauty, considered as an incentive to love? A man
has in himself a hundred beings to every one of which a different kind
of beauty can appeal. If he b