ck Tyrconnel, who makes his approaches with a splendid
equipage. The romantic sound of the former, and the glare of the latter,
attract her attention. The title of Captain, however, is merely a _nom
de guerre_, for he is only an ensign on half-pay. Miss is delighted with
his attentions: he is a charming fellow, highly accomplished, for he
sings duets, waltzes admirably, plays the German flute, and interlards
his conversation with scraps of French and Spanish. Altogether he is
truly irresistible, and she is willing to lay her person and her few
hundreds at the feet of the conquerer. The day is appointed, and every
preparation made for the nuptial ceremony; when ah! who can foresee,

"The various turns of fate below."

An athletic Hibernian wife, formerly the widow of Dennis O'Drumball,
steps in between the young lady and the hymeneal altar, and claims the
Captain as her husband--she being the landlady of a country ale-house
where he had been quartered, whom he had married by way of discharging
his bill. The interposition is fortunate, because it saves the Captain
from an involuntary trip to Botany Bay, and Miss from an alliance of
a bigamical kind; though it has at the same time proved a severe
disappointment to the young lady.

"Crossed in love--wounded in the most tender part--she forswears the
hymeneal tie; and under such unfortunate circumstances she opens a
Seminary, to which she devotes the remainder of her life."

~~368~~~ "Pray," said Bob, whose eyes were as open as his ears, "did you
notice that shining black board, with preposterous large gold letters,
announcing 'Miss Smallgood's establishment for Young Ladies,' and close
alongside of it another, informing the passenger,--' That man-traps were
placed in the premises.'"

"I did," said Sparkle--"but I do not think that, though somewhat
curious, the most remarkable or strange association. Young ladies
educated on an improved plan, and man-traps advertised in order to
create terror and dismay! For connected with this method of announcing
places of education, is a recollection of receptacles of another
nature."

"To what do you allude?" inquired Tallyho. "Why, in many instances,
private mad-houses are disguised as boarding schools, under the
designation of 'Establishment.' Many of these receptacles in the
vicinity of the metropolis, are rendered subservient to the very
worst of purposes, though originally intended for the safety of the
individual, as well as