f Real Life in London, I am
an _Epitaph-Collector_, favoured by my friends with the appellation of
_Old Mortality_, furnished them by the voluminous writer and meteor of
the north, Sir Walter Scott."

"Do you collect," asked Tallyho, "with the view of publishing on your
own account?"

"No, Sir,--I really am not in possession of the means wherewith
to embark on so hazardous a speculation. I am thus employed by an
eccentric, yet very worthy gentleman, of large property, who ambitious
of transmitting his name to posterity, means to favour the world with a
more multitudinous collection of epitaphs than has hitherto appeared
in any age or nation;--his prospectus states "Monumental Gleanings, in
twenty-five quarto volumes!"

"Astonishing!" exclaimed Dashall,--"Can it be possible that he ever will
be able to accomplish so vast an undertaking?"

"And if he does," said Tallyho, "can it be possible that any person will
be found to read a production of such magnitude, and on such a subject?"

~~306~~~ "That to him is a matter of indifference," said Old
Mortality,--"he means to defray the entire charges, and the object of
publication effected, will rest satisfied with the approbation of the
discerning few, leaving encomium from the multitude to authors or
compilers more susceptible of flattery,--

"Born with a stomach to digest a ton!"

As to the quantum of materiel, he is indefatigable in personal research,
employing besides numerous collectors even in the sister island, and in
this, from the Land's-end to Johnny Grot's house."

"And when," asked Dashall, "is it probable that this gigantic work may
be completed?"

"Can't say," answered Old Mortality,--"I should think at no very remote
period: the collection is in daily accumulation, and we are already in
possession of above ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND."

"Prodigious!" exclaimed Dashall, "as Dominic Sampson says. And pray,
Sir, what number may your assiduities have contributed towards the
aggregate?"

"That," answered Old Mortality, "I cannot exactly ascertain; to those,
however, already supplied, this ground will yield a considerable
increase."

"May we solicit," said Tallyho, "without the imputation of intrusion,
the favour of your reading to us from your table-book, a few of the most
remarkable epitaphs?"

Old Mortality readily promised gratification as far as possible, but he
had not his table-book with him; "I have been employed to day," said he,
"in makin