e home, and you will quickly hear, that by them
was no thought of care or sorrow; but that they have plaied, ranted
and domineer'd so that the whole neighbourhood rung with it; and how
they have played their parts either with some dried Baker, pricklouse
Tailor, or smoaky Smith, they themselves know best.

Down goes the spit to the fire; the pudding pan prepared; and if there
be either Wine, Beer or any thing else wanting; though the Cellar be
lockt; yet, by one means or another, they find out such pretty devices
to juggle the Wine out of the Cask, nay and Sugar to boot too; that
their inventions surpass all the stratagems that are quoted by the
Author of the English Rogue; of which I could insert a vast number,
but fear that it would occasion an ill example to the unlearned in
that study. Howsoever they that have kept house long, and had both men
& maid-servants, have undoubtedly found both the truth and experience
hereof sufficiently. And how many maids, in this manner, have been
eased of that heavy burthen of their maidenheads, is well known to the
whole World.

These are also some of the first fruits and delights of marriage; but
if they were of the greatest sort, they might be esteemed and approved
of to be curable, or a remedy found for prevention. Yet let them be of
what state and condition they will, every one feels the damage and
inconvenience thereof, ten times more then it is outwardly visible
unto him, or can comprehend. For if you saw it you would by one or
other means shun or prevent it. But now, let it be who it will,
whether Counsellor, Doctor, Merchant, or Shopkeeper; the one neglects
his Clients Suit, the other his Patients, the third his Negotiation &
Trade, and the fourth his Customers; none of them all oft-times
knowing from whence it arises that their first years gain is so
inconsiderable. For above the continual running on of house-rent, the
neglect and unnecessary expensive charge of servants; you consume your
self also much mony in travelling and pleasure; besides the peril and
uneasiness that you suffer to please and complaite your new married
Mistris. O miserable pleasure!

But you will be sure to find the greatest calamity of this delight, as
soon as you return home again; if you only observe the motions of your
wife, for whose pleasure and felicity you have been so long from home.
Alas she is so wearied and tired with tumbling and travelling up &
down, that she complains as if her back we