mor an' fight with spears an' rescue maidens
an' so forth. I believe I can get you a job at it for a month or so, at
three dollars a day."

"Now look here, Bud," sez I, "them three dollars look mighty enticin'
to me, an' I ain't no objection to rescuin' the maidens; but I move we
cut out the steel armor an' the spears. If the' 's any great amount o'
maidens in need o' rescuin', I could do the job a heap quicker with my
six-shooters."

"Oh, I don't mean to be a real knight," sez he. "I want you to
advertise tobacco."

"Say," sez I, "perhaps you never noticed it; but after you've been
livin' on air for some time you get so you can't tell whether it's
yourself or the other feller what's crazy. I came down to this town
because my appetite was clogged up an' wouldn't work; but I'm cured.
I'm the most infernally cured individual you ever set eyes on, an' I'm
goin' back where food ain't too blame proud to be seen in company with
a poor man."

Well, I broke through his crust that time, an' we sidled into a
feed-joint, where I pried my ribs apart while he un folded his plot. It
seemed the' was a brand of chewin' tobacco what had one o' these here
knights on the tag, an' I was to dress up like the picture an'
advertise it. The man who was to do it had sprained his ankle, an'
Fatty's brother was huntin' up a new man. Fatty said he'd get me the
job.

Well, he did, an' next mornin' I started out in a tin suit with a sort
of kettle turned upside down an' covered with feathers for a sky-piece.
I certainly made an imposin' sight, an' all I had to do was to ride
around an' fling little plugs o' tobacco out o' my saddle-bags. But
the' was draw-backs. The' generally is.

Take the real native-son brand of Friscoite, an' he'll tell you 'at
Frisco an' Paradise are sunonomous. I used to like to argue 'em out
about it. One day I had a thirty-third degree one pointin' his finger
in my eye an' beatin' his palm with his fist, an' spreadin' himself
somethin' gorgeous. He never curbed his jubilization nor altered the
heavy seriousness of his expression; but in the most matter-of-fact way
in the world he backs over to the door-jamb an' begins to polish it up
with his spinal column. If ya'll notice you'll find most o' the coats
in that locality has curious little streaks up the back--but it ain't
polite to ask questions about 'em.

"Look here, Bud," sez I, interruptin', "I know all about your golden
gates an' sea lions an' cosmopopilic civi