to go through life looking through the wrong end of opera glasses. In
my brief career I have never seen more than twenty-two midgets in one
group, and that only after Baron Singer had combed the civilized world
in an effort to get 'em all in one assemblage.

"I have said that literature is almost silent concerning midgets and
their activities. Yet, if one would compile all the scattered
paragraphs of the ages past, it might be a sizeable volume. Back in
the days when chivalry ran parallel with human bondage, midgets were
rated as personal property. Kings and emperors called them to court
for amusement purposes; offered them as gifts to appease the powerful
or seduce the weak. And at courtly banquets, when the liquor was
potent enough to inspire adventuresome bravery, midgets were tossed
like medicine balls, from guest to guest, to provide entertainment for
the ladies and gallants there present. However, the meager paragraphs
failed to reveal if the ball was dribbled or if free throws were
allowed in the event of fouls being made on the brave participants.

"Midgets marry same as other people, and strange to relate, fully half
of them wed full grown adults. Just why this is I do not know. While I
have acted the part of Dan Cupid in several stage productions, I've
had no actual experience with the attachments and jealousies of
humans--big or little. Midgets do have love-longings and jealousies,
and love-making is carried on with all the zeal of modern warfare.
Also, it has some of the elements of modern international diplomacy in
its double-talk and duplicity. I witnessed one of these incidents as
an innocent bystander.

"Andre, a very competent juggler, had come to America with the Singer
Midgets. He was a Frenchman and spoke not a word of English. In
America, the Singer Company was rallying to its organization all the
little people it could induce to join up in a tour of the big circuit.
Among the new arrivals was Lorette Sanford, a beautiful little trick
of a girl. Andre was much impressed with her beauty and vivacity.
Here was his soulmate! But he just couldn't tell her of his undying
affection on account of the language handicap. Lorette knew not a word
of French.

"But love laughs at locksmiths and Cupid has many assistants. Andre
sought out Jimmy Quick, who had toured France and could make himself
understood. Jimmy was commissioned to anglicize a proper proposal and
Andre spent hours in repeating the verbiage