haywire--but not over
midgets, mind you--it was that other enigma in human life: the
beckoning lure of two women, and the great creator of 'Gulliver and
His Travels' went nuts in trying to decide which way to go."

A wave of stillness blanketed the audience that had come to see--and
maybe laugh at--the antics of a midget. Up to now, the address was
not in the expected pitch. It was far afield from the anticipated
humor of frivolous incidents. Dissertations on literature, science,
and philosophy came as an unexpected jolt. Davy Lannarck, who had
spent his adult life in facing the public, now knew that he had 'em
mesmerized.

"Who, then, composes this exclusive class in the human family? Who are
midgets?" Davy gave the question its full emphasis to include the
dramatic pause. "Well, I've lived the life of one for more than a
quarter of a century. If literature, dictionaries, encyclopedias, and
Holy Writ fail to sort us into the proper herd, why, I'll heat my own
runnin' iron and brand the ones I think are eligible.

"Midgets are people. Out of a million or more of babies born one, at
least, is destined not to reach adult stature. Normal in every way and
perfectly proportioned, this millionth babe stops growing, while yet a
babe, and thereafter not an inch is added to his stature and very
little to his Weight. 'Arrested development' the scientist terms it;
'a malfunctioning of the pituitary gland' is the doctor's diagnosis of
the disaster.

"So, one out of a million or more babies born is destined to go
through life bumping his head against other people's knees. If it's a
boy, he can never bust one over the fence for a home run, never look
squarely into the face of the receiving teller at the bank or of the
room clerk at the hotel. He is never to referee a prize fight or run
for president. If he wants a drink at the public fountain, he must ask
someone to get it for him. If he goes to school, church, or a public
meeting he must either get a front seat or he'll get a back view. On
trains, busses, and Pullmans he pays the same adult fare as the
two-hundred-pounder across the aisle.

"In the meager information about midgets, one writer, in an excellent
article, estimates one midget to every million of population. He must
have lived in New York City, as the little people flock to that
metropolis, seeking employment in theaters and museums. My personal
estimate of the ratio is that not one babe in two million is destined