. If it really hasn't, he might as well begin to put up the grand
stand and have the tickets printed. My dear, I'd never marry another man
with a memory--most inconvenient asset that a husband can possess.

"Chappie," the Englishman, has started a society paper--sort of six
months gestation of _Town Topics_, so Carlton and I are batting around
after midnight, so "we won't become saw." There are all sorts of ways to
make a bee buzz. Do keep Bern from wearing red ties while I'm gone and
give him a shove along the straight and narrow, once and so often.

After a month and a half of drinking Sioux Falls water, I would bring a
higher price as a lime kiln than I would in the woman market. One's pelt
gets wind tanned and such a thing as a daintily flushed face is as
unlooked for out here as consideration from the natives.

My head ached so yesterday that I called on a doctor, "Visit including
all medicine, one dollar." Isn't it "patetic?" He raved about the
climate and said he brought his wife here with T. B., and she improved
so much. Naturally I asked, "How is she now?" He said, "O, she's dead."
Don't blame him for raving about the climate, do you?

My dear it is worth a trip out here to see a whist party "let out." No,
not "bridge,"--they haven't heard of it yet--just plain whist; but as I
was saying, to see one turn out with its white alpaca skirt and blue
satin ribbon belt. I've paid two dollars at Hammerstein's to see things
not half so funny. O, for a sip of Fleischman's coffee--there are
grounds for divorce in every cup out here. The butter we eat, walks in
from the country alone, and at every meal we get smashed potatoes piled
as high as the snow on the Alps. I can't look a potato in the eye any
more.

There is a couple here on business from Michigan,--a Mr. and Mrs. Jones,
odd name that. Isn't it sad that they are so happily married, they might
both be getting divorces, but as it is they are simply wasting a year
out here for nothing. I passed the Judge on the street this morning and
I was so nervous that I walked bow-legged. But thanks to _skirts et
cetera-et cetera_.

I have sampled all the churches and have finally landed at the Christian
Science house of worship, as I would rather any day hear a pianola grind
out its _papier mache_ music than listen to a poor performer.

If I had Carnegie's millions, I'd go straight to Chicago, buy a big,
fat, thick, beef steak, step into the middle of it and eat my way out