eological Data and
College Fraternity Lore stowed away under his Mortar-Board. His hopes
were set on something more noble than a Chair and a Table and a
Blotter in a dusty Office up the Stairway leading to Odd Fellows'
Hall.

So he resolved to hit the long Trail leading to a Modern Babylon where
the Evening papers were on the Streets before Noon.

He figured that a Gazimbat with a John C. Calhoun Forehead and a lot
of inside Dope on Hindoo Anthology could break into almost any
Reservoir of Culture and bring home the Bacon.

Parents were dead willing to have him migrate and take his Tailor
Bills with him, but they shivered with Dread when it came time to ship
him to Gomorrah.

They knew all about the unbridled Deviltry of the City, having seen
the large colored Illustrations in the Sunday Papers.

They had it on good Authority that the whole sub-stratum of Urban
Existence was honeycombed with Rathskellers, while a Prominent Actress
waited on almost every Corner, soliciting Travel on the Taxicab Route
to the everlasting Coke Ovens.

While Elmer's fragile Steamer Trunk was being hoisted into the Dray,
all the Relations who had assisted in bringing him up by Hand
clustered around the Melodeon and sang, "Oh, where is my Boy
to-night?"

After the Day Coach had pulled away from the Depot, he opened the
Shoe-Box to extract a Crull and found a Book written by T. DeWitt
Talmage, in which many Passages were marked.

He arrived at Union Station with his Fingers crossed. He told himself
that he would break into a Dog Trot every time Vice beckoned to him.

After he had hung up his Diploma and Razor Strop in the third-story
Recess of a very naughty Beanery, he hunted up some of the dear old
Pals with whom he had bunked in the Dorm.

They told him they would put him next to a lot of nice clean People.

He began to tremble, fearing that some one was about to offer him
Champagne, but the Orgy to which they conducted him was merely a
meeting of the Civic Purifiers in a basement underneath a Church.

He had not expected to find any Churches in the great wicked City. He
thought each side of the Street would be built up solidly with
Syndicate Theatres, Bacchanalian Bazaars, and Manicure Pitfalls.

Instead of finding Vice triumphant, he learned that it was being
chased up an Alley by the entire Police Force and the Federation of
Women's Clubs.

He had the gift of Gab and a natural thirst for Tea, and the first
thing he knew