had what 'ARRY would call a "'igh old time" of
it in London last week. In anticipation of their next merry meeting,
a distinguished member of the Association is already busily engaged
in preparing a paper on "The Real and Apparent Connection between
'Hygiene' and 'High Jinks.'"

* * * * *

UNDER THE SCREW.

(_BY A LIBERAL M.P._)

[Illustration]

Oh, where shall I go, and what shall I do?
Turn which way I will, I am under the screw.
Every Voter must feel a tight clutch on the throat
Of my conscience--poor thing!--ere he'll promise his vote.
PAT late was my patron,--'twas only his fun!
Now he's "three single gentlemen" _not_ rolled in one.
There's PARNELL, MACARTHY, and SAUNDERSON! Phew!
If I partly please one, I make foemen of two.
Hang Ireland! And Scotland is getting as bad.
The S.H.R.A. will insist on their fad;
And their plan, too, is "pressure!" It's just nought but "squeeze."
And the poor M.P.'s life is one long "Little-Ease."
TAFFY too takes his turn at the merciless rack,
And there isn't a faddist, fanatic, or quack
But has his own Screw, which he wants to apply.
The Temperance Man "Direct Veto" would try,
And if I'm not found to accept it with glee,
He's vicious, and puts direct veto on _me_.
Ungenerous hot Anti-Jennerites claim
My vote against vaccine, or howl at my name;
The Working-Man wants his Eight Hours, or, by Jingo,
_He_'ll give me--at polling--particular stingo.
The Socialist wants me to do with the Land
A--well, a dashed _something_ I can't understand;
The Financial Reformer, 'tis little he "axes,"
_He_ only requires me to take off all taxes!
And now, with the General Election in view,
I'm dashed if a poor M.P. knows _what_ to do.
How to live on the rack is a regular poser.
By Jove, I'm half tempted to turn a--Primroser!
The soft "Primrose Path" _may_ conduct to the fire,
But 'tis easy at least, and of Screwing I tire!

* * * * *

TOO FREE TO BE EASY.

SCENE--_Exterior of a Board School. Enter R. and L.
well-meaning Philanthropist and long-headed Artisan. They
greet one another with differing degrees of cordiality._

_Philanthropist_ (_heartily_). Ah, my good friend, and how are you
taking advantage of this great boon--the enormous privilege of free
education?

_Artisan_ (_doggedly_). By not sending my lad to school.

_Phil._ (_with pained as