tonishment_). You surprise me.

_Art._ I don't see why I should. I'm only following SAWNIE's lead.
It's what they did in Scotland. They gave _them_ free education, and
that's the way to read it, and a good way too!

_Phil._ Well, at least you ought to be grateful.

_Art._ Grateful! Grateful for what?

_Phil._ Why, for free education--for education, you know, that costs
you nought.

_Art._ Oh, it costs nought, does it? Then thank you for nothing!

[_Exeunt--in very different directions!_

* * * * *

MUSIC FOR THE PARLIAMENTARY MILLION.

MR. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., has announced that during the Recess he
will deliver political addresses interspersed with songs and music.
To assist him we have prepared a specimen "utterance," which, for the
sake of convenience, we have thrown into a dramatic form.

_Enter Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., with an assortment of
musical instruments which he places on a table in front of
him. Immense applause, during which the Hon. Gentleman picks
up a Cornet and plays a solo. Enthusiasm._

_Mr. Farmer-Atkinson_ (_bowing after recovering from his exertions_).
Ladies and Gentlemen. (_Hear, hear!_) Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen,
for your cordial reception. (_Applause._) And you must know, Ladies
and Gentlemen, that although I have given you a solo on the cornet, I
did not visit this flourishing town (_cheers_), this highly civilised
town (_renewed applause_), this model town (_hearty cheering_), with
the intention of blowing my own trumpet. (_He pauses--silence._) Don't
you understand? I did not want to blow my own trumpet--joke, see? (_A
laugh._) Thank you! And now about the Irish Question. Well everybody
harps upon it. So will I. "_Come back to Erin._" (_Plays and sings the
touching melody--a harp accompaniment--applause._) Thank you! And now
about the Triple Alliance. Well, I think I can illustrate that, both
musically and politically. Triple means three. Well, I will take
this drum on my back, beating it with the sticks that are bound to my
shoulders; then I will apply my mouth to this set of pipes, while I
beat a triangle with my hands. There! (_Plays the musical instruments
simultaneously--applause._) Thank you! You see I get some sort
of music. A little unattractive possibly ("_No! no!_"), but still
sufficiently pleasing to elicit your admiration. ("_Hear, hear!_")
Thank you! Well, this effect reminds me of the Triple Alliance. We