r where he put it?

Asa I'm as dry as a sap-tree in August.

Binny [Throwing open, E. D.] Luncheon!

Asa [Goes hastily up to table.] Wal, I don't want to speak out too
plain, but this is an awful mean set out for a big house like this.

Flo Why, what's wrong, sir?

Asa Why, there's no mush!

Asa Nary slapjack.

Dun Why, does he want Mary to slap Jack?

Asa No pork and beans!

Dun Pork's been here, but he's left.

Asa And where on airth's the clam chowder?

Dun Where _is_ clam chowder? He's never here when he's wanted.

Asa [Drinks and spits.] Here's your health, old hoss. Do you call that
a drink? See here, cousin, you seem to be the liveliest critter here,
so just hurry up the fixins, and I'll show this benighted aristocratic
society what real liquor is. So hurry up the fixins.

All Fixins?

Flo What do you mean by fixins?

Asa Why, brandy, rum, gin and whiskey. We'll make them all useful.

Flo Oh, I'll hurry up the fixins. What fun! [Exit, R.]

Dun Oh! I thought he meant the gas fixins.

Asa Say, you, you Mr. Puffy, you run out and get me a bunch of mint
and a bundle of straws; hurry up, old hoss. [Exit Binny, L. 3 E.,
indignantly.] Say, Mr. Sailor man, just help me down with this table.
Oh! don't you get riley, you and I ran against each other when I came
in, but we'll be friends yet. [Vernon helps him with table to C.]

Enter Florence, followed by servants in livery; they carry a case of
decanters and water, on which are seven or eight glasses, two or three
tin mixers and a bowl of sugar. Binny enters with a bunch of mint and a
few straws.

Flo Here, cousin, are the fixins.

Asa That's yer sort. Now then, I'll give you all a drink that'll make
you squeal. [To Binny] Here, Puffy, just shake that up, faster. I'll
give that sick gal a drink that'll make her squirm like an eel on a mud
bank.

Dun [Screams.] What a horrible idea. [Runs about stage.]

Flo Oh, don't mind him! That's only an American joke.

Dun A joke! Do you call that a joke? To make a sick girl squirm like a
mud bank on an eel's skin?

Asa Yes, I'll give you a drink that'll make your whiskers return under
your chin, which is their natural location. Now, ladies and gentlemen,
what'll you have, Whiskey Skin, Brandy Smash, Sherry Cobbler, Mint Julep
or Jersey Lightning?

Aug Oh, I want a Mint Julep.

De B Give me a Gin Cocktail.

Flo I'll take a Sherry Cobbler.

Ver Brandy Smash for me.

Mrs M Give me a Whiskey Sk