thanked me for so valiantly standing my ground
against such fearful odds, and he said I had reflected credit upon my
regiment, and that hereafter I would be classed as a veteran instead of
a recruit. He said he had never known a man to come right from the paths
of peace, and develop into a warrior with a big "W" so short a time. The
other officers congratulated me, and the soldiers said I was a bully boy.
The colonel treated to some commissary whisky, and then the business of
the evening commenced, which I found to be draw poker. I sat around for
some time watching the officers play poker, when the chaplain, who was
a nice little pious man, asked me to step outside the tent, as he wished
to converse with me. I went out into the moonlight with him, and he
took me away from the tents, under a tree, and told me he had been much
interested in my story. I thanked him, and said I had been as brief as
possible. He said, "I was interested, because I used to be something
of a liar myself, before I reformed, and studied for the ministry." It
occurred to me that possibly the chaplain did not believe my simple
tale, and I asked him if he doubted my story. "That is about the size of
it," says he. I told him I was sorry I had not told the story in such
a manner that he would believe it, because I valued the opinion of the
chaplain above all others. He said he had known a good many star liars
in his time, some that had national reputations, but he had never
seen one that could hold a candle to me in telling a colossal lie, or
aggregation of lies, and tell them so easy. I thanked him for his good
opinion, and told him that I flattered myself that for a recruit, right
fresh from the people, who had never had any experience as a military
liar, I had done pretty well. He said I certainly had, and he was glad
to make my acquaintance. I asked him to promise not to give it away to
the other officers, which he did, and then I told him the whole story,
as it was, and that I was probably the biggest coward that ever
lived, and that I was only afraid that my story of blood-letting would
encourage the officers to be constantly putting me into places of
danger, which I did not want to be in. I told him I believed this war
could be ended without killing any more men, and cited the fact that I
had been a soldier nearly forty-eight hours, and nobody had been killed,
and the enemy was on the run. I told the chaplain that if there was
one thing I didn't