and the "NELSON" touched a spot. Isn't that right?

_M. C._ Quite right. It's the only way to play. But may I once more
ask that there should be no talking? We shall never be able to unwind
if there is. Now, please--"England expects----"

_Eleventh Player._ "Duty."

_Twelfth Player._ "Bore."

_Thirteenth Player._ "The Marne."

(_Cries of astonishment._)

_Various Players._ How can "bore" suggest "the Marne"?

_M. C._ But it did. You mustn't mind.

_Twelfth Player._ How did it? Just for fun I'd like to know.

_Thirteenth Player._ Well, when I was on the Marne I used to see the
marks on the ground made by them.

_Twelfth Player._ By who?

_Thirteenth Player._ The wild boars.

(_Roars of laughter._)

_Twelfth Player._ But I meant that duty is a bore--b-o-r-e.

_M. C._ (_frantic_). It doesn't matter. It's what you think--not what
is--in this game. But really we're in such a muddle, wouldn't it be
better to begin again? You all know the rules now.

_Hostess._ Perhaps "Clumps" might be better, don't you think?

_M. C._ Just as you like. "Clumps," then.

_The Deaf Player._ What is the word now?

_A Player._ We're going to play "Clumps" instead.

_The Deaf Player._ Mumps in bed? I'm sure I don't know what that
suggests. That's very difficult. But I like this game. It ought to be
great fun when we unwind.

(_They separate for "Clumps."_)

E. V. L.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Fruiterer._ "ROYALTY 'ISSELF, MADAM, COULDN'T WISH FOR
A BETTER PINEAPPLE THAN THAT."

_Newly-rich Matron._ "WELL, IF ROYALTY CAN BITE 'EM I S'POSE I CAN.
I'LL 'AVE IT."]

* * * * *

Headline to an article on ladies' fashions:--

"STOCKINGS COMING DOWN."

This should make the hosiers pull up their socks.

* * * * *

"Several reasons, besides the claims of humanity, made the
Eugenist favour schemes for abolishing the eugenist."--_Daily
Paper._

We are inclined to agree with the Eugenist.

* * * * *

[Illustration: AT A FAT STOCK SHOW.

"THEY'RE TWO SMART 'OGS, I ADMIT. BUT LOOK AT THE PRICE O'
FOOD-STUFFS. YOU KNOW YERSELF IT DON'T PAY ANYONE TO FEED THESE
DAYS."]

* * * * *

MISPLACED BENEVOLENCE.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--From your earliest years you have preached sound and
wholesome doctrine on the duty of man to birds and beasts. Indeed,
I reme