ck of his collar._)

BRIGGS--Now, ladies and gentlemen, I shall have to ask you all to move
to the other side of the room. (_This is accomplished with muttered
uncomplimentary remarks concerning the magician._)

BRIGGS (_to Hostess_)--I must have the piano pushed to the further end.
I must have plenty of space. (_All the men guests are pressed into
service, and, with much difficulty the piano is moved._)

BRIGGS--Now, I want four large screens.

HOSTESS (_faintly_)--But I have only two!

BRIGGS--Well, then, get me a clothes-horse and a couple of sheets.

POOR RELATIVE--You know, Sarah, I used the last two when I made up my
bed in the children's nursery yesterday. I can easily get--

HOSTESS (_hastily_)--No, Maria, don't trouble. (_To guests_)--Perhaps,
some of you gentlemen wouldn't mind lending us your overcoats to cover
the clothes-horse?

CHORUS (_with great lack of enthusiasm_)--Of course! Delighted! (_They
go for coats._)

HOSTESS (_to Poor Relative_)--Maria, you get the clothes-horse. I think
it's in the laundry, or--Oh, I think it's in the cellar. Well, you look
till you find it. (_To Briggs_)--I got as many of the things you asked
for as I could remember. Will you read the list over?

BRIGGS--Turnip and egg-beater--

HOSTESS--Yes.

BRIGGS--Egg, large clock, jar of gold-fish, rabbit and empty barrel.

HOSTESS--I have the egg.

BRIGGS (_much annoyed_)--I particularly wanted the gold-fish, the clock
and the barrel.

(_Guests grow restless._)

Hostess--Couldn't you do a trick while we are waiting--one with the
egg-beater and turnip?

BRIGGS--No; I don't know one.

HOSTESS--Couldn't you make up one?

BRIGGS (_icily_)--Certainly not.

(_Gloom descends over the company, until the Poor Relative arrives,
staggering under the clothes-horse._)

CHORUS OF MEN GUESTS--Let me help you!

(_Improvised screen is finally arranged._ Briggs _performs "parlor
magic" for an hour. Guests, fidget, yawn and commence to drop away, one
by one._)

GUEST (_to Hostess_)--Really, we must tear ourselves away. Such a
delightful evening!--not a dull moment. And your punch--heavenly! Do ask
us again. Good night.

HOSTESS--Thank you so much! So good of you to come.

ANOTHER GUEST--Yes, we must go. I've had a perfectly dear time.

HOSTESS--So sorry you must go. So good of you to come. Good night.

IN THE DRESSING-ROOM

CHORUS OF GUESTS--Wasn't it awful?--Such low people!--Why did we ever
come--Parvenue!

EL