ssued forth to his first conquest--lighted as far as the front
gate by the fat lamp held in his father's hand.

"A--Sef--Seffy, shall I set up for you tell you git home?" he called
into the dark.

"No!" shouted Seffy.

"Aha--aha--aha! That sounds _right_! Don't you forgit when you
bose--well--comfortable--aha--aha! Mebby on one cheer aha--ha-ha. And
we'll bose take the fence down to-morrow. Mebby all three!"

AN ARCHAEOLOGICAL CONGRESS

BY ROBERT J. BURDETTE

"'There's none can tell about my birth
For I'm as old as the big round earth;
Ye young Immortals clear the track,
I'm the bearded Joke on the Carpet tack."

Thus spoke
A Joke
With boastful croak;
And as he said,
Upon his head
He stood, and waited for the tread
Of thoughtless wight,
Who, in the night,
Gets up, arrayed in garments white,
And indiscreet,
With unshod feet,
Prowls round for something good to eat.

But other Jokes
His speech provokes;
And old, and bald, and lame, and gray,
With loftiest scorn they say him Nay;
And bid him hold his unweaned tongue,
For they were blind ere he was young.
So hot
They grew,
This complot
Crew,
They laid a plan
To catch a Man;
That all the clan
Might then trepan
His skull with Jokes; they thus began:

First Mule, his heel its skill to try,
Amid his ribs like lightning laid--
And back recoiled--he well knew why;
"Insurance Man," he faintly sayed.

Next Stove Pipe rushed, as hot as fire,
"Put up!" he cried, in accents bold;
With Elbow joint he struck the lyre,
And knocked the Weather Prophet cold.

But thou, Ice Cream, with hair so gray,
Three thousand years before the Flood,
Cold, bitter cold, will be the day
Thou dost not warm the Jester's blood.
"Spoons for the spooney," was her ancient song,
That with slow measure dragged its deathless length along.

And longer had she sung, but with a frown,
Old Pie, impatient, rose
And roared, "Behold, I am the Funny Clown!
And without me there is no Joke that goes.

"To every Jester in the land,
I lend my omnipresent hand;
I've filled in Jokes of every grade
Since ever Jokes and Pies were made;
Sewed, pegged and pasted, glued or cast,
If not the first of Jokes, I'll be the last."

With heart unripe and mo