. This lasted for two
years. Then, for the treatment of a trifling degree of anaemia,
she was subjected to a long, and, in her case, injudicious course
of hypodermic injections of strychnia. From that time, five years
ago, up to the present, there has been constant sexual
excitement, and she has always to be on guard lest she should be
overtaken by a sexual spasm. Her torture is increased by the fact
that her traditions make it impossible for her (except under very
exceptional circumstances) to allude to the cause of her
sufferings. "A woman is handicapped," she writes. "She may never
speak to anyone on such a subject. She must live her tragedy
alone, smiling as much as she can under the strain of her
terrible burden." To add to her trouble, two years ago, she felt
impelled to resort to masturbation, and has done so about once a
month since; this not only brings no real relief, and leaves
irritability, wakefulness, and dark marks under the eyes, but is
a cause of remorse to her, for she regards masturbation as
entirely abnormal and unnatural. She has tried to gain benefit,
not merely by the usual methods of physical hygiene, but by
suggestion, Christian Science, etc., but all in vain. "I may
say," she writes, "that it is the most passionate desire of my
heart to be freed from this bondage, that I may relax the
terrible years-long tension of resistance, and be happy in my own
way. If I had this affliction once a month, once a week, even
twice a week, to stand against it would be child's play. I should
scorn to resort to unnatural means, however moderately. But
self-control itself has its revenges, and I sometimes feel as if
it is no longer to be borne."

Thus while it is an immense benefit in physical and psychic development if
the eruption of the disturbing sexual emotions can be delayed until
puberty or adolescence, and while it is a very great advantage, after that
eruption has occurred, to be able to gain control of these emotions, to
crush altogether the sexual nature would be a barren, if not, indeed, a
perilous victory, bringing with it no satisfaction. "If I had only had
three weeks' happiness," said a woman, "I would not quarrel with Fate, but
to have one's whole life so absolutely empty is horrible." If such vacuous
self-restraint may, by courtesy, be termed a virtue, it is but a negative
virtue. The per