Barlow, jot down among the properties
ten hot-bed covers, twenty picture-hooks, and a coil of wire. You're
developing, Perkins.

Mrs. Perkins (ruefully, aside). I wish Thaddeus's jokes weren't
always taken seriously. The idea of my drawing-room walls being hung
with hot-bed covers! Why, it's awful.

Yardsley. Well, now that that's settled, we'll have to dispose of
the pictures. Thaddeus, I wish you'd take down the pictures on the
east wall, so that we can put our mind's eye on just how we shall
treat the background. The mere hanging of hot-bed covers there will
not do. The audience could see directly through the glass, and the
wall-paper would still destroy the illusion.

Perkins. Anything. Perhaps if you got a jack-plane and planed the
walls off it would suffice.

Bradley. Don't be sarcastic, my boy. Remember we didn't let you
into this. You volunteered.

Perkins. I know it, Bradley. The house is yours.

Barlow. I said you had paresis when you made the offer, Perkins. If
you want to go to law about it, I think you could get an injunction
against us--or, rather, Mrs. Perkins could--on the ground that you
were non compos at the time.

Mrs. Perkins. Why, we're most happy to have you, I'm sure.

Perkins. So 'm I. (Aside.) Heaven forgive me that!

Yardsley. By-the-way, Thad, there's one thing I meant to have spoken
about as soon as I got here. Er--is this _your_ house, or do you
rent it?

Perkins. I rent it. What has that to do with it?

Bradley. A great deal. You don't think we'd treat _your_ house as
we would a common landlord's, do you? You wouldn't yourself.

Yardsley. That's the point. If you own the house we want to be
careful and consider your feelings. If you _don't_, we don't care
what happens.

Perkins. I don't own the house. (Aside.) And under the
circumstances I'm rather glad I don't.

Yardsley. Well, I'm glad you don't. My weak point is my conscience,
and when it comes to destroying a friend's property, I don't exactly
like to do it. But if this house belongs to a sordid person, who
built it just to put money in his own pocket, I don't care. Barlow,
you can nail those portieres up. It won't be necessary to build a
frame for them. Bradley, carry the chairs and cabinets out.

[Bradley, assisted by Perkins, removes the remaining furniture,
placing the bric-a-brac on the floor.

Barlow. All right. Where's that stepladder? Thaddeus, got any
nails?