day to-morrow to clean up, I'll wager a hat. I'm beginning to
rue the hour I ever allowed the house of Perkins to be lured into the
drama.

Mrs. Perkins. You're better off than I am. I've got to take part,
and I don't half know my lines.

Perkins. I? I better off? I'd like to know if I haven't got to sit
out in front and watch you people fulfil your diabolical mission in
your doubly diabolical way, and grin at the fearful jokes in the
dialogue I've been listening to for weeks, and make the audience feel
that they are welcome when they're not. What's been done with my
desk?

Mrs. Perkins. It's down in the laundry. You're about as--

Perkins. Oh, is it? Laundry is a nice place for a desk. Plenty of
starch handy to stiffen up a writer's nerve, and scrubbing-boards
galore to polish up his wits. And I suppose my papers are up in the
attic?

Mrs. Perkins. No; they're stowed away safely in the nursery. Now
please don't complain!

Perkins. Me? Complain? I never complain. I didn't say a word when
Yardsley had my Cruikshanks torn from their shelves and chucked into
a clothes-basket and carried into the butler's pantry, did I? Did I
say as much as one little word? I wanted to say one little word, I
admit, but I didn't. Did I? If I did, I withdraw it. I'm fond of
this sort of thing. The greatest joy in life is to be found in
arranging and rearranging a library, and I seem to be in for joy
enough to kill. What time are the--these amateur Thespians coming?

Mrs. Perkins (looking at her watch). They're due now; it's half-past
four. (Sits down and opens play-book. Rehearses.) No, not for all
the world would I do this thing, Lord Muddleton. There is no need to
ask it of me. I am firm. I shall--

Perkins, Oh, let up, my dear! I've been getting that for breakfast,
dinner, and tea for two weeks now, and I'm awfully tired of it. When
I asked for a second cup of coffee at breakfast Sunday, you retorted,
"No, not for all the world would I do this thing, Lord Muddleton!"
When I asked you where my dress ties were, you informed me that it
was "what baseness," or words to that effect; and so on, until I
hardly know where I am at. (Catches sight of the chest.) Hello!
How did that happen to escape the general devastation? What are you
going to do with that oak chest?

Mrs. Perkins. It is for the real earl to hide in just before he
confronts Muddleton with the evidence of his crime.

Perkins. But