ined? You're uncharitable, Sable, to believe
it. What colour, what reason had you for it?

"SABLE. First, Sir, her carriage in her concerns with me, for I never
yet could meet with a sorrowful relict but was herself enough to
make a hard bargain with me. Yet I must confess they have frequent
interruptions of grief and sorrow when they read my bill; but as for
her, nothing she resolv'd, that look'd bright or joyous, should
after her love's death approach her. All her servants that were not
coal-black must turn out; a fair complexion made her eyes and heart
ake, she'd none but downright jet, and to exceed all example, she
hir'd my mourning furniture by the year, and in case of my mortality,
ty'd my son to the same article; so in six weeks time ran away with a
young fellow."

* * * * *

And so on (with a cynicism of which, of course, no modern "funeral
director" would be guilty--out loud), until the undertaker's men come
on the scene.

* * * * *

"Where in the name of goodness have you all been?" asks SABLE. "Have
you brought the sawdust and tar for embalming? Have you the hangings
and the sixpenny nails, and my lord's coat of arms?"

"SERVANT. Yes, sir, and had come sooner, but I went to the herald's
for a coat for Alderman Gathergrease that died last night--he has
promised to invent one against to-morrow."

"SABLE. Ah! pox take some of our cits, the first thing after their
death is to take care of their birth--let him bear a pair of
stockings, he is the first of his family that ever wore one.... And
you, Mr. Blockhead, I warrant you have not call'd at Mr. Pestle's the
apothecary: will that fellow never pay me? I stand bound for all the
poison in that starving murderer's shop: he serves me just as Dr.
Quibus did, who promised to write a treatise against water-gruel, a
healthy slop that has done me more injury than all the Faculty: look
you now, you are all upon the sneer, let me have none but downright
stupid countenances. I've a good mind to turn you all off, and take
people out of the playhouse; but hang them, they are as ignorant of
their parts as you are of yours.... Ye stupid rogues, whom I have
picked out of the rubbish of mankind, and fed for your eminent
worthlessness, attend, and know that I speak you this moment stiff and
immutable to all sense of noise, mirth or laughter. [_Makes mouths at
them as they pass by him to bring them to a constant