occasions "eye-wash" was extensively applied to the
brass, the idea being to keep her attention fixed well to the front by
the glare.

One day, when all manner of fatigues and other means of torture had been
exhausted, Dicky and Freeth discovered they had a simultaneous birthday.
Prospects of wounded arriving seemed nil, and permission was given for a
fancy-dress tea party to celebrate the double event. It must be here
understood that whether work came in or not we all had to remain on duty
in camp till five every day, in case of the sudden arrival of ambulance
trains, etc. After that hour, two of us were detailed to be on evening
duty till nine, while all night duty was similarly taken in turns.
Usually, after hanging about all day till five, a train or barges would
be announced, and we were lucky if we got into bed this side of 12.
Hardly what you might call a "six-hour day," and yet nobody went on
strike.

The one in question was fine and cloudless, and birthday wishes in the
shape of a Taube raid were expressed by the Boche, who apparently keeps
himself informed on all topics.

The fancy dresses (considering what little scope we had and that no one
even left camp to buy extras in the town) were many and varied. "Squig"
and de Wend were excellent as bookies, in perfectly good toppers made
out of stiff white paper with deep black ribbon bands and "THE OLD
FIRM" painted in large type on cards. Jockeys, squaws, yokels, etc., all
appeared mysteriously from nothing. I was principally draped in my
Reckitts blue upholsterings and a brilliant Scherezade kimono, bought in
a moment of extravagance in Paris.

The proceedings after tea, when the cooks excelled themselves making an
enormous birthday cake, consisted of progressive games of sorts. You
know the kind of thing, trying to pick up ten needles with a pin (or is
it two?) and doing a Pelman memory stunt after seeing fifty objects on a
tray, and other intellectual pursuits of that description. Another stunt
was putting a name to different liquids which you smelt blindfold. This
was the only class in which I got placed. I was the only one apparently
who knew the difference between whisky and brandy! Funnily enough, would
you believe it, it was the petrol that floored me. Considering we
wallowed in it from morning till night it was rather strange. I was
nearly spun altogether when it came to the game of Bridge in the
telephone room. "I've never played it in my life," I sa