u rememberest that the servants brought to me from out the
market-place the book of the foreign God, and in its pages I woke to
life again. I looked once more from out my curtained window, and saw
the rosy glow of dawn instead of grey, wan twilights of the hopeless
days before me; and, as on a bridge half seen in shadows dim, I
returned to the living world about me. Thou saidst nothing until it had
brought its healing, then thou tookest the book and kept it from me.
Thou toldst me with tears that it would bring thine head in sorrow to
thy resting-place upon the hillside if I left the Gods of my ancestors
and took unto my heart the words and teachings of the God of an
alien race. I promised thee that I would not cause thee grief, and I
have kept my word.

In my ignorance I have longed for knowledge, for some one to explain
the teaching that rolled away for me the rush of troubled waters that
flooded all my soul; but as I looked about me and saw the many
warring factions that follow the great Teacher of love and peace, I did
not know which way to turn, which had the truth to give me; and I
wanted all, not part. I have this book, and have not sought for wisdom
from outside, but only search its pages to find its messages to me.

Thou must not say I have deserted China's Gods, nor is it just to write
that my children are wandering from the Way. I have observed the
feasts and fastings; each morn the Household God has rice and tea
before him; the Kitchen God has gone with celebrations at springtime
to the spirit up above. The candles have been lighted and the smoke
of incense has ascended to propitiate the God of Light, Lord Buddha,
and Kwan-yin, and my children have been taught their prayers and
holy precepts. It is not my fault, nor shouldst thou blame it to my
teaching if rites and symbols have lost their meaning, and if the Gods
of China are no longer strong enough to hold our young.

Oh, Mother mine, thou knowest I would not cause thee sorrow, and
thou hast hurt me sorely with thy letter of bitterness and reproach. If
thou couldst have seen within my heart these many ears, and known
the longing for this light that came to me in darkness, then thou
wouldst not have burned the book that brought me hope and life again
when all seemed gone.

Thou askest me to promise thee anew that I will not trouble thy last
few years with thoughts that seem to thee a sacrilege and a
desecration of thy Gods. Thou art the mother of my hus