d gratefully, "It has been a pleasure to talk to such a
sympathetic listener."

I don't think T.-T. really believes even now in the Swarthy Peril, but
the counter-irritant has done its work.

* * * * *

ANOTHER GARDEN OF ALLAH.

[The Metropolitan Water Board announces an advance in the Water Rate.]

I cannot fill the bounteous cup
Munificently as of yore
Because the water's going up
(It didn't at Lodore);
No longer now can I regale
The canine stranger with a pail
Drawn from my cistern's store.

Let Samuel the sunflower die,
Let Gerald the geranium fade,
And all the other plants that I
Have hitherto displayed;
The virgin grass within my plot
May call for water--I will not
Preserve a single blade.

Henceforth let Claude the cactus dress
My garden beds, who bravely grows
Without a frequent S.O.S.
To water-can and hose.
I've cast these weapons to the void
And permanently unemployed
Is Hildebrand the hose.

Within the house by words and deeds
I've run an Anti-Waste Campaign;
On every tap the legend reads:
"Teetotalers, abstain!"
While on each bath and tub of mine
I've drawn freehand a PLIMSOLL line,
Impressionist but plain.

When upward mount my chops and cheese
I fain must bend beneath the blow;
I have to pay the price for these
Whether I will or no.
But here at least, by dint of thought,
I feel that I can bring to naught
The rise in H_2O.

You'll find that I shall keep in check
The gross expense of water when
Domestic _nettoyage a sec_
Rules my ancestral den.
I, unlike Nature, don't abhor
A "vacuum"--to clean the floor:
In fact I've ordered ten.

* * * * *

"At Bremen ... the crowd seized the stalls in the market, and sold
the goods at prices between 100 and 200 per cent. lower than the
prices demanded."--_Provincial Paper._

The correspondent who sends us the above cutting demands similar
reductions in English markets in order that he may live within his
income of _minus_ two pounds a week.

* * * * *

[Illustration: =INCORRIGIBLES.=

"EXCUSE ME, SIR--I'M DOWN HERE FOR A REST CURE, AND NOT ALLOWED TO
LOOK AT A NEWSPAPER. PERHAPS YOU WOULDN'T MIND TELLING ME WHAT KAFFIRS
STOOD AT YESTERDAY?"

"SORRY I CAN'T OBLIGE YOU. I'VE SWORN OFF NEWSPAPERS MYSELF. THIS IS