e who realise that when they are filled in and
added up correctly the figure at the base of the vertical "Total"
column on the right is identical with the figure on the right of the
horizontal "Total" column at the base. It is the haunting magic of
this fact that gives to Government clerks the wistful far-away look
which they habitually wear.

It is not a good schedule this, of course--not a complete, not an
exhaustive one. After a month or so it will be discovered with a
cry of astonishment that no record has been kept of the number of
candidates who are being trained in jam or jelly (combined) but not in
marmalade, in jelly and marmalade (combined) but not in jam, and in
jam and marmalade (combined) but not in jelly. And so a new and a
greater schedule will have to be compiled. But even after that for
a long time no one will notice that nothing has been said about the
number of candidates who are being trained in jam and jelly and
marmalade all combined and mashed up together, as they are at a picnic
on the sands.

Of the many debatable issues raised by this new Government project, in
so far as it affects the spheres of jelly and jam, I do not propose to
speak now; I prefer to confine my attention for the moment to the fruit
product which touches most nearly the home breakfast-table--namely,
marmalade.

There are three schools of thought in marmalade. There are those who
like the dark and very runny kind with large segments or wedges of
peel. There are those who prefer a clear and jellified substance with
tiny fragments of peel enshrined in it as the fly is enshrined in
amber. And there are some, I suppose, who favour a kind of glutinous
yellow composition, neither reactionary nor progressive, but something
betwixt and between. There can be very little doubt which kind of
marmalade the State Marmalade School will produce.

And then, mark you, one fine day the President of the Board of
Agriculture will turn round and issue a _communique_ to the Press like
this:--

"Preferential treatment in the supply of sugar for the purpose of
conducting the processes of manufacture of fruit products will
henceforward be given to those who possess the Campden diploma for
proficiency in the conduct of the above-named processes."

And where is your freedom then? Cooks and housewives will be condemned
either to make State marmalade or to make no marmalade at all.
Personally I am inclined to think that the President of the Board