themselves. These striking' marks
of contrast excited much inquiry, and not obtaining, with sufficient
definiteness, the satisfaction I sought, I went to the Lord about this,
as before. I confessed my shortcomings, and the defectiveness of my
teaching, and pleaded earnestly, "Lord, what wouldst Thou have me to do?
What I know not, teach Thou me!"

Then I was brought into the deepest distress and perplexity of soul, to
think that after my experience of conversion, and all I had done for the
conversion of others, I was still such a vile, self-condemned sinner. I
even began to think that I had never been converted; it appeared to me
that my whole life was nothing but intense selfishness; that I availed
myself of the blood of Christ for my salvation and happiness, and led
others to do the same, rejoicing with them in thus making use of God for
the purpose of getting quit of hell and gaining heaven. It was a clear
case of making God serve me, instead of my serving Him. Many other
things came to my mind, by which I knew there was an immense gap between
my experience and the Word of God. I can see it all now; but at the time
it was very dark and grievous.

When I had been under conviction before, at the time of my conversion,
it was, as it were, with my eyes shut; but now they were open: then I
saw my sins, and the penalty which was due to them; now I saw my
unrighteousness, and the corruption of my nature. I felt as if I were
two persons, and that there was a law in my members warring against the
law of my mind, the flesh contending against the Spirit. "O wretched man
that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" For a
whole week I was in great distress of mind, especially during the last
three days.

On Sunday morning, as I was going to the early Communion, my soul was
set at liberty. I felt as if a great cloud was lifted up; the light
shone into my soul; and I had deliverance. I was exceedingly happy in
the knowledge that the risen Christ Himself was my help---that He who
had hidden His presence in a pillar of cloud and fire, now was Himself
present in person, my omnipotent Friend and leader!

This was quite a new experience, and one I had not known before. I
thought that I had not even heard or read of it, and therefore began to
suspect whether it was a temptation. I determined to be wise, and not
commit myself too soon, so made up my mind that I would not refer to it
in the pulpit. But at the close of