ith as great submission; not offering to condition any thing with
me; although he hinted his wishes for another meeting: which I forbad
him ever attempting again in the same place. And I will own to you,
from whom I should be really blamable to conceal any thing, that his
arguments (drawn from the disgraceful treatment I meet with) of what
I am to expect, make me begin to apprehend that I shall be under an
obligation to be either the one man's or the other's--and, if so, I
fancy I shall not incur your blame, were I to say which of the two it
must be: you have said, which it must not be. But, O my dear, the single
life is by far the most eligible to me: indeed it is. And I hope yet to
be permitted to make that option.

I got back without observation; but the apprehension that I should
not, gave me great uneasiness; and made me begin a letter in a greater
flutter than he gave me cause to be in, except at the first seeing him;
for then indeed my spirits failed me; and it was a particular felicity,
that, in such a place, in such a fright, and alone with him, I fainted
not away.

I should add, that having reproached him with his behaviour the last
Sunday at church, he solemnly assured me, that it was not what had been
represented to me: that he did not expect to see me there: but hoped to
have an opportunity to address himself to my father, and to be permitted
to attend him home. But that the good Dr. Lewen had persuaded him not
to attempt speaking to any of the family, at that time; observing to him
the emotions into which his presence had put every body. He intended
no pride, or haughtiness of behaviour, he assured me; and that the
attributing such to him was the effect of that ill-will which he had
the mortification to find insuperable: adding, that when he bowed to my
mother, it was a compliment he intended generally to every one in the
pew, as well as to her, whom he sincerely venerated.

If he may be believed, (and I should think he would not have come
purposely to defy my family, yet expect favour from me,) one may see,
my dear, the force of hatred, which misrepresents all things. Yet why
should Shorey (except officiously to please her principals) make a
report in his disfavour? He told me, that he would appeal to Dr. Lewen
for his justification on this head; adding, that the whole conversation
between the Doctor and him turned upon his desire to attempt to
reconcile himself to us all, in the face of the church; and