to put in a gentle word for me: I know
not what it was: but thus she was answered--My dear, this is the most
provoking thing in the world in a woman of your good sense!--To love a
rebel, as well as if she were dutiful. What encouragement for duty
is this?--Have I not loved her as well as ever you did? And why am I
changed! Would to the Lord, your sex knew how to distinguish! It is
plain, that she relies upon her power over you. The fond mother ever
made a hardened child!

She was pleased, however, to blame Betty, as the wench owned, for giving
my answer its full force. But my father praised her for it.

The wench says, that he would have come up in his wrath, at my refusing
to see Mr. Solmes, had not my brother and sister prevailed upon him to
the contrary.

I wish he had!--And, were it not for his own sake, that he had killed
me!

Mr. Solmes condescended [I am mightily obliged to him truly!] to plead
for me.

They are all in tumults! How it will end, I know not--I am quite weary
of life--So happy, till within these few weeks!--So miserable now!

Well, indeed, might my mother say, that I should have severe trials.*

* See Letter XXV.

P.S. The idiot [such a one am I treated like!] is begged, as I may say,
by my brother and sister. They have desired, that I may be consigned
over entirely to their management. If it be granted, [it is granted,
on my father's part, I understand, but not yet on my mother's,] what
cruelty may I not expect from their envy, jealousy, and ill-will!--I
shall soon see, by its effects, if I am to be so consigned. This is a
written intimation privately dropt in my wood-house walk, by my cousin
Dolly Hervey. The dear girl longs to see me, she tells me: but is
forbidden till she see me as Mrs. Solmes, or as consenting to be his. I
will take example by their perseverance!--Indeed I will--!

LETTER XLII

MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE

An angry dialogue, a scolding-bout rather, has passed between my sister
and me. Did you think I could scold, my dear?

She was sent up to me, upon my refusal to see Mr. Solmes--let loose
upon me, I think!--No intention on their parts to conciliate! It seems
evident that I am given up to my brother and her, by general consent.

I will do justice to every thing she said against me, which carried any
force with it. As I ask for your approbation or disapprobation of my
conduct, upon the facts I lay before you, I should think it the sign of
a