got it. Do you say ten shillings? Not you, for you
owe more to the tallyman. Well then, I'll tell you what I'll do with
you. I'll heap 'em all on the footboard of the cart,--there they are!
razors, flat watch, dinner plates, rolling-pin, and away for four
shillings, and I'll give you sixpence for your trouble!" This is me, the
Cheap Jack. But on the Monday morning, in the same market-place, comes
the Dear Jack on the hustings--_his_ cart--and, what does _he_ say? "Now
my free and independent woters, I am a going to give you such a chance"
(he begins just like me) "as you never had in all your born days, and
that's the chance of sending Myself to Parliament. Now I'll tell you
what I am a going to do for you. Here's the interests of this
magnificent town promoted above all the rest of the civilised and
uncivilised earth. Here's your railways carried, and your neighbours'
railways jockeyed. Here's all your sons in the Post-office. Here's
Britannia smiling on you. Here's the eyes of Europe on you. Here's
uniwersal prosperity for you, repletion of animal food, golden
cornfields, gladsome homesteads, and rounds of applause from your own
hearts, all in one lot, and that's myself. Will you take me as I stand?
You won't? Well, then, I'll tell you what I'll do with you. Come now!
I'll throw you in anything you ask for. There! Church-rates, abolition
of more malt tax, no malt tax, universal education to the highest mark,
or uniwersal ignorance to the lowest, total abolition of flogging in the
army or a dozen for every private once a month all round, Wrongs of Men
or Rights of Women--only say which it shall be, take 'em or leave 'em,
and I'm of your opinion altogether, and the lot's your own on your own
terms. There! You won't take it yet! Well, then, I'll tell you what
I'll do with you. Come! You _are_ such free and independent woters, and
I am so proud of you,--you _are_ such a noble and enlightened
constituency, and I _am_ so ambitious of the honour and dignity of being
your member, which is by far the highest level to which the wings of the
human mind can soar,--that I'll tell you what I'll do with you. I'll
throw you in all the public-houses in your magnificent town for nothing.
Will that content you? It won't? You won't take the lot yet? Well,
then, before I put the horse in and drive away, and make the offer to the
next most magnificent town that can be discovered, I'll tell you what
I'll do. Take