ou never will, and why not? Because I've
made my fortunes by selling my goods on a large scale for seventy-five
per cent. less than I give for 'em, and I am consequently to be elevated
to the House of Peers next week, by the title of the Duke of Cheap and
Markis Jackaloorul. Now let's know what you want to-night, and you shall
have it. But first of all, shall I tell you why I have got this little
girl round my neck? You don't want to know? Then you shall. She
belongs to the Fairies. She's a fortune-teller. She can tell me all
about you in a whisper, and can put me up to whether you're going to buy
a lot or leave it. Now do you want a saw? No, she says you don't,
because you're too clumsy to use one. Else here's a saw which would be a
lifelong blessing to a handy man, at four shillings, at three and six, at
three, at two and six, at two, at eighteen-pence. But none of you shall
have it at any price, on account of your well-known awkwardness, which
would make it manslaughter. The same objection applies to this set of
three planes which I won't let you have neither, so don't bid for 'em.
Now I am a going to ask her what you do want." (Then I whispered, "Your
head burns so, that I am afraid it hurts you bad, my pet," and she
answered, without opening her heavy eyes, "Just a little, father.") "O!
This little fortune-teller says it's a memorandum-book you want. Then
why didn't you mention it? Here it is. Look at it. Two hundred
superfine hot-pressed wire-wove pages--if you don't believe me, count
'em--ready ruled for your expenses, an everlastingly pointed pencil to
put 'em down with, a double-bladed penknife to scratch 'em out with, a
book of printed tables to calculate your income with, and a camp-stool to
sit down upon while you give your mind to it! Stop! And an umbrella to
keep the moon off when you give your mind to it on a pitch-dark night.
Now I won't ask you how much for the lot, but how little? How little are
you thinking of? Don't be ashamed to mention it, because my
fortune-teller knows already." (Then making believe to whisper, I kissed
her,--and she kissed me.) "Why, she says you are thinking of as little
as three and threepence! I couldn't have believed it, even of you,
unless she told me. Three and threepence! And a set of printed tables
in the lot that'll calculate your income up to forty thousand a year!
With an income of forty thousand a year, you grudge three and sixpence.
Well th