s well
have reasoned with the pigs. I then thought of punishing them, but
that was a big task, and, besides, what mode of punishment should I
adopt? In my utmost perplexity I wrote to Professor Wilderspin--a
great authority on the management of boys--and he wrote as follows:

"Nearly all boys can be managed by an intelligent schoolmaster
without punishment, but in a few cases it seems impossible to do
without it. In every large school in England, Ireland, and Scotland
some corporal punishment is used, and some must continue to be used
as long as very vicious children continue to exist, or as long as
parents spoil their children by over indulgence or by wilful
criminal neglect before they send them to school.
--Yours truly, Professor Wilderspin."

I then wrote to twenty-seven of the principal headmasters in the
world, and the following are the replies:--

From the High School of Eton wrote head-master, Mr. Squeers:
"If they don't behave as they should do, why, soundly box their
ears."
From the Grammar School of Harrow wrote head-master, Mr. Phfool:
"If they do not behave themselves, expel them from the school."
From the Training School of Rugby wrote head-master, Mr Wist:
"Just take a handful of their hair, and give a sharp, short twist."
From the College School of Oxford wrote Professor Rarey Hook:
"Instead of nearly killing, overawe them with a look."
From the Bible School of Cambridge wrote Professor William Brying:
"Well whip them with a birchen rod, and never mind their crying."
From the Blue Coat School of London wrote Professor Rupert Gower:
"At arm's length make them hold a book the space of half-an-hour."
From the Naval School of Liverpool wrote head-master Mr. Jointer:
"Just rap them on the knuckles with a common teacher's pointer."
From the People's School of Manchester wrote head-master Mr.
Flowers:
"Make them kneel down as still as death for just about two hours."
From the Infant School of Birmingham wrote Professor Dory Heller:
"Just put on them a fool's cap, marked 'dunce,' 'thief,' or
'story-teller'."
From the Charity school of Sheffield wrote head-master, Mr. Clay:
"If the boys are disobedient, do not let them out to play."
From the Gentleman's School at Brighton wrote Professor Robert
Flask:
"If the boys will act unruly, why, just make them do a task."
From the National School of Bristol wrote Professor Mark Groom:
"If the boys are extra naughty,