t how to
gain it? I see no way but prayerfully to bend myself to meet
the hour. Let friends be patient with me, and pardon some
faint-heartedness. The buds will shiver in the cold air when
the sheaths drop. It will not be so long. The word "Patience"
has been spoken; it shall be my talisman. A nobler courage
will be given, with gentleness and humility. My conviction is
clear that all my troubles are needed, and that one who has
had so much light thrown upon the path, has no excuse for
faltering steps.'

* * * * *

'Could we command enthusiasm; had we an interest with the gods
which would light up those sacred fires at will, we should be
even seraphic in our influences. But life, if not a complete
waste of wearisome hours, must be checkered with them; and I
find that just those very times, when I feel all glowing and
radiant in the happiness of receiving and giving out again the
divine fluid, are preludes to hours of languor, weariness, and
paltry doubt, born of---

"The secret soul's mistrust
To find her fair ethereal wings
Weighed down by vile, degraded dust."

'To this, all who have chosen or been chosen to a life of
thought must submit. Yet I rejoice in my heritage. Should I
venture to complain? Perhaps, if I were to reckon up the hours
of bodily pain, those passed in society with which I could
not coalesce, those of ineffectual endeavor to penetrate the
secrets of nature and of art, or, worse still, to reproduce
the beautiful in some way for myself, I should find they
far outnumbered those of delightful sensation, of full and
soothing thought, of gratified tastes and affections, and of
proud hope. Yet these last, if few, how lovely, how rich in
presage! None, who have known them, can in their worst estate
fail to hope that they may be again upborne to higher, purer
blue.'

* * * * *

'As I was steeped in the divine tenth book of the Republic,
came ----'s letter, in which he so insultingly retracts his
engagements. I finished the book obstinately, but could get
little good of it; then went to ask comfort of the descending
sun in the woods and fields. What a comment it was on the
disparity between my pursuits and my situation to receive
such a letter while reading that book!