, and you want to hold him there!

Never talk back, and wake up the whole community,
And call a man a liar, over law, or Politics,--
You can lift and land him furder and with gracefuller impunity
With one good jolt of silence than a half a dozen kicks!

The Gruesome Ballad of Mr. Squincher

"Ki-yi!" said Mr. Squincher,
As in contemplative pose,
He stood before the looking-glass
And burnished up his nose,
And brushed the dandruff from a span-
Spick-splinter suit of clothes,--
"Why, bless you, Mr. Squincher,
You're as handsome as a rose!"

[Illustration]

"There are some," continued Squincher,
As he raised upon his toes
To catch his full reflection,
And the fascinating bows
That graced his legs,--"I reckon
There are some folks never knows
How beautiful is human legs
In pantaloons like those!"

"But ah!" sighed Mr. Squincher,
As a ghastly phantom 'rose
And leered above his shoulder
Like the deadliest of foes,--
With fleshless arms and fingers,
And a skull, with glistening rows
Of teeth that crunched and gritted,--
"It's my tailor, I suppose!"

* * * * *

They found him in the morning--
So the mystic legend goes--
With the placid face still smiling
In its statuesque repose;--
With a lily in his left hand,
And in his right a rose,
With their fragrance curling upward
Through a nimbus 'round his nose.

Anecdotes of Jay Gould

[Illustration]

Facial Neuralgia is what is keeping Jay Gould back this summer and
preventing him from making as much money as he would otherwise. With
good health and his present methods of doing business Mr. Gould could in
a few years be beyond the reach of want, but he is up so much nights
with his face that he has to keep one gas-jet burning all the time.
Besides he has cabled once to Dr. Brown-Sequard for a neuralgia pill
that he thought would relieve the intense pain, and found after he had
paid for the cablegram that every druggist in New York kept the
Brown-Sequard pill in stock. But when a man is ill he does not care for
expense, especially when he controls an Atlantic cable or two.

This neuralgia pill is about the size of a two-year-old colt and pure
white. I have been compelled to take several of them my