of the Present Day."

I would also like to be excused from any duties as a judge of
curly-faced stock or as an umpire of ornamental needlework. After a
person has had a fountain pen kicked endwise through his chest by the
animal to which he has awarded the prize, and later on has his features
worked up into a giblet pie by the owner of the animal to whom he did
not award the prize, he does not ask for public recognition at the hands
of his fellow-citizens. It is the same in the matter of ornamental
needlework and gaudy quilts, which goad a man to drink and death. While
I am proud to belong to a farmers' club and "change works" with a
hearty, whole-souled ploughman like George William Curtis, I hope that
at all County Fairs or other intellectual hand-to-hand contests between
outdoor orators and other domestic animals, I may be excused, and that
when judges of inflamed slumber robes and restless tidies, which roll up
and fall over the floor or adhere to the backs of innocent people; or
stiff, hard Doric pillor-shams which do not in any way enhance the joys
of sleep; or beautiful, pale-blue satin pincushions which it would be
wicked to put a pin in and which will therefore ever and forevermore
mock the man who really wants a pin, just as a beautiful match-safe
stands idly through the long vigils of the night, year after year, only
to laugh at the man who staggers towards it and falls up against it and
finds it empty; or like the glorious inkstand which is so pretty and so
fragile that it stands around with its hands in its pockets acquiring
dust and dead flies for centuries, so that when you are in a hurry you
stick your pen into a small chamber of horrors--I say when the judges
are selected for this department I would rather have my name omitted
from the panel, as I have formed or expressed an opinion and have
reasonable doubts and conscientious scruples which it would require
testimony to remove, and I am not qualified anyway, and I have been
already placed in jeopardy once, and that is enough.

Mr. Church writes that the club has taken up, discussed and settled all
points of importance bearing upon Agriculture, from the tariff up to the
question of whether or not turpentine poured in a cow's ear ameliorates
the pangs of hollow horn. He desires suggestions and questions for
discussion. That shows the club to be thoroughly alive. It will soon be
Spring, and we cannot then discuss these matters. New responsibilities
will