ts me like a fiend, that my life is lost for ever. My past
does not count, because I frittered it away on trifles, and the present
has so terribly miscarried! What shall I do with my life and my love?
What is to become of them? This wonderful feeling of mine will be wasted
and lost as a ray of sunlight is lost that falls into a dark chasm, and
my life will go with it.

HELENA. I am as it were benumbed when you speak to me of your love, and
I don't know how to answer you. Forgive me, I have nothing to say to
you. [She tries to go out] Good-night!

VOITSKI. [Barring the way] If you only knew how I am tortured by the
thought that beside me in this house is another life that is being lost
forever--it is yours! What are you waiting for? What accursed philosophy
stands in your way? Oh, understand, understand----

HELENA. [Looking at him intently] Ivan, you are drunk!

VOITSKI. Perhaps. Perhaps.

HELENA. Where is the doctor?

VOITSKI. In there, spending the night with me. Perhaps I am drunk,
perhaps I am; nothing is impossible.

HELENA. Have you just been drinking together? Why do you do that?

VOITSKI. Because in that way I get a taste of life. Let me do it,
Helena!

HELENA. You never used to drink, and you never used to talk so much. Go
to bed, I am tired of you.

VOITSKI. [Falling on his knees before her] My sweetheart, my beautiful
one----

HELENA. [Angrily] Leave me alone! Really, this has become too
disagreeable.

HELENA goes out. A pause.

VOITSKI [Alone] She is gone! I met her first ten years ago, at her
sister's house, when she was seventeen and I was thirty-seven. Why did I
not fall in love with her then and propose to her? It would have been so
easy! And now she would have been my wife. Yes, we would both have been
waked to-night by the thunderstorm, and she would have been frightened,
but I would have held her in my arms and whispered: "Don't be afraid!
I am here." Oh, enchanting dream, so sweet that I laugh to think of it.
[He laughs] But my God! My head reels! Why am I so old? Why won't
she understand me? I hate all that rhetoric of hers, that morality of
indolence, that absurd talk about the destruction of the world----[A
pause] Oh, how I have been deceived! For years I have worshipped that
miserable gout-ridden professor. Sonia and I have squeezed this estate
dry for his sake. We have bartered our butter and curds and peas like
misers, and have never kept a morsel for ourselves, so that we coul