m being a fool."

"Ah, poor Tom!" said Foote, "he is like one of those people who eat
garlic themselves, and therefore can't smell it in a companion."

MODE OF BURYING ATTORNEYS IN LONDON

A gentleman in the country, who had just buried a rich relation who
was an attorney, was complaining to Foote, who happened to be on a
visit with him, of the very great expense of a country funeral in
respect to carriages, hat-bands, scarves, etc.

"Why, do you bury your attorneys here?" asked Foote gravely.

"Yes, to be sure we do; how else?"

"Oh, we never do that in London."

"No?" said the other much surprised, "how do you manage?"

"Why, when the patient happens to die, we lay him out in a room over
night by himself, lock the door, throw open the sash, and in the
morning he is entirely off."

"Indeed!" said the other in amazement; "what becomes of him?"

"Why, that we cannot exactly tell, not being acquainted with
supernatural causes. All that we know of the matter is, that there's a
strong smell of brimstone in the room the next morning."

DINING BADLY

Foote, returning from dinner with a lord of the admiralty, was met by
a friend, who asked him what sort of a day he had had. "Very
indifferent indeed; bad company and a worse dinner."

"I wonder at that," said the other, "as I thought the admiral a good
jolly fellow."

"Why, as to that, he may be a good sea lord, but take it from me, he
is a very bad landlord."

DIBBLE DAVIS

Dibble Davis, one of Foote's butts-in-ordinary, dining with him one
day at North-end, observed that "well as he loved porter, he could
never drink it without a head."

"That must be a mistake, Dibble," returned his host, "as you have done
so to my knowledge alone these twenty years."

AN EXTRAORDINARY CASE

Being at the levee of Lord Townsend, when that nobleman was Lord
Lieutenant of Ireland, he thought he saw a person in his Excellency's
suite whom he had known to have lived many years a life of expediency
in London. To convince himself of the fact, he asked his Excellency
who it was.

"That is Mr. T----, one of my gentlemen at large," was the answer. "Do
you know him?"

"Oh, yes! perfectly well," said Foote, "and what your Excellency tells
me is doubly extraordinary: first, that he is a gentleman; and next,
that he is at large."

MUTABILITY OF THE WORLD

Being at dinner in a mixed company soon after the bankruptcy of one
friend and the death of another, the conver