_Jack_--First of April, anno seventeen hundred and blank, John a-Nokes
was indicted by blank, before blank, in the county of blank, for
stealing a cow, _contra pacem_, etc., and against the statute in that
case provided and made, to prevent stealing of cattle.

_Serjeant_--Go on.

_Jack_--Said Nokes was convicted upon the said statute.

_Serjeant_--What followed upon?

_Jack_--Motion in arrest of judgment, made by Counselor Puzzle. First,
because the field from whence the cow was conveyed is laid in the
indictment _as round_, but turned out upon proof to be _square_.

_Serjeant_--That's well. A valid objection.

_Jack_--Secondly, because in said indictment the color of the cow is
called red; there being no such things _in rerum natura_ as red cows,
no more than black lions, spread eagles, flying griffins, or blue
boars.

_Serjeant_--Well put.

_Jack_--Thirdly, said Nokes has not offended against form of the
statute; because stealing of _cattle_ is there provided against:
whereas we are only convicted of stealing a _cow_. Now, though cattle
may be cows, yet it does by no means follow that cows must be cattle.

_Serjeant_--Bravo, bravo! buss me, you rogue; you are your father's
own son! go on and prosper. I am sorry, dear Jack, I must leave thee.
If Providence but sends thee life and health, I prophesy thou wilt
wrest as much land from the owners, and save as many thieves from the
gallows, as any practitioner since the days of King Alfred.

_Jack_--I'll do my endeavor. [_Exit Serjeant._]

A MISFORTUNE IN ORTHOGRAPHY

From 'The Lame Lover'

SIR LUKE--A pox o' your law; you make me lose sight of my story. One
morning a Welsh coach-maker came with his bill to my lord, whose name
was unluckily Lloyd. My lord had the man up: "You are called, I think,
Mr. Lloyd?"--"At your Lordship's service, my lord."--"What, Lloyd with
an L?"--"It was with an L indeed, my lord."--"Because in your part of
the world I have heard that Lloyd and Floyd were synonymous, the very
same names."--"Very often indeed, my Lord."--"But you always spell
yours with an L?"--"Always."--"That, Mr. Lloyd, is a little unlucky;
for you must know I am now paying my debts alphabetically, and in four
or five years you might have come in with an F; but I am afraid I can
give you no hopes for your L. Ha, ha, ha!"

FROM THE 'MEMOIRS'

A CURE FOR BAD POETRY

A physician of Bath told him that he had a mind to publish his own
poems; b