may say that I have
scarcely any doubt remaining on my mind as to what will be the issue,
even that I should go forward in this matter. As this, however, is one
of the most momentous steps that I have ever taken, I judge that I
cannot go about this matter with too much caution, prayerfulness, and
deliberation. I am in no hurry about it. I could wait for years, by
God's grace, were this his will, before even taking one single step
towards this thing, or even speaking to any one about it; and, on the
other hand, I would set to work to-morrow, were the Lord to bid me do
so. This calmness of mind, this having no will of my own in the matter,
this only wishing to please my heavenly Father in it, this only seeking
his and not my honor in it; this state of heart, I say, is the fullest
assurance to me that my heart is not under a fleshly excitement, and
that if I am helped thus to go on I shall know the will of God to the
full. But, while I write thus, I cannot but add, at the same time, that
I do crave the honor and the glorious privilege to be more and more used
by the Lord. I have served Satan much in my younger years, and I desire
now with all my might to serve God during the remaining days of my
earthly pilgrimage. I am forty-five years and three months old. Every
day decreases the number of days that I have to stay on earth. I
therefore desire with all my might to work. There are vast multitudes of
orphans to be provided for. About five years ago a brother in the Lord
told me that he had seen, in an official report, that there were at that
time six thousand young orphans in the prisons of England. My heart
longs to be instrumental in preventing such young orphans from having to
go to prison. I desire to be used by the Lord as an instrument in
providing all the necessary temporal supplies, not only for the three
hundred now under my care, but for seven hundred more. I desire to
alleviate yet further the sufferings of poor dying widows, when looking
on their helpless orphans about to be left behind. I desire yet further
to assist poor persons to whom destitute orphans are left, and who are
unable to provide for them. I desire to be allowed to provide scriptural
instruction for a thousand orphans, instead of doing so for three
hundred. I desire to expound the Holy Scriptures regularly to a
thousand orphans, instead of doing so to three hundred. I desire that
thus it may be yet more abundantly manifest that God is still the he