lic had been so divided
between us that I was defending the city from internal treachery and the
crime of its own citizens, you Italy from armed enemies and covert
conspiracy;[58] yet that this association in a task so noble and so
glorious had been imperilled by your relations, who, while you had been
complimented by me in the fullest and most laudatory terms, had been
afraid of any display of mutual regard on your part being put to my
credit. As this sentence betrayed how much I had looked forward to your
speech, and how mistaken I had been in that expectation, my speech
caused some amusement, and was received with a moderate amount of
laughter; but the laugh was not against you, it was rather at my
mistake, and at the open and _naive_ confession of my eagerness to be
commended by you. Surely it cannot but be a compliment to you that in
the hour of my greatest triumph and glory I yet wished for some
testimony of approval from your lips. As to your expression,
"considering our mutual regard"--I don't know your idea of what is
"mutual" in friendship; mine is an equal interchange of good feeling.
Now if I were to mention that I passed over a province for your sake,
you might think me somewhat insincere; for, in point of fact, it suited
my convenience, and I feel more and more every day of my life the
advantage and pleasure which I have received from that decision. But
this I do say--the moment I had announced in public meeting my refusal
of a province, I began at once thinking how I might hand it on to you. I
say nothing as to the circumstances of your allotment: I only wish you
to suspect that nothing was done in that matter by my colleague without
my cognizance. Recall the other circumstances: how promptly I summoned
the senate on that day after the lots had been drawn, at what a length I
spoke about you. You yourself said at the time that my speech was not
merely complimentary to you, but absolutely a reflexion on your
colleagues. Farther, the decree of the senate passed on that day has
such a preamble that, so long as it is extant, there can never be any
doubt of my services to you. Subsequently, when you had gone out of
town, I would have you recall my motions in the senate, my speeches in
public meetings, my letters to yourself. And having reviewed all these
together, I would like you to judge yourself whether you think that your
approach to Rome the last time you came quite shewed an adequate return
for all these s