rs, not as participators, is there any doubt
that they would fail to be instructed? The Garden will seat eight or ten
thousand people. Suppose, for an instance, that a dozen of your best
exponents of what is what were to give a dinner in the middle of the
arena, with ten thousand people looking on. Do you mean to say that of
all that vast audience no one would learn thereby how to behave at a
dinner?"

"It is a great scheme," said the Doctor.

"It is!" said the Idiot, "and I venture to say that a course of, say,
twelve social functions given in that way would prove so popular that
the Garden would turn away every night twice as many people as it could
accommodate."

"It would be instructive, no doubt," said the Bibliomaniac; "but how
would it expand society? Would you have examinations?"

"Most assuredly," said the Idiot. "At the end of the season I should
have a rigid examination of all who chose to apply. I would make them
dine in the presence of a committee of expert diners, I would have them
pass a searching examination in the Art of Wearing a Dress Suit, in the
Science of Entering a Drawing-room, in the Art of Behavior at Afternoon
Teas, and all the men who applied should also be compelled to pass a
physical examination as an assurance that they were equal to the task of
getting an ice for a young lady at a ball."

"Society would get to be too inclusive and would cease to be exclusive,"
suggested Mr. Whitechoker.

"I think not," said the Idiot. "I should not give a man or a woman the
degree of B.S. unless he or she had passed an examination of one hundred
per cent."

"B.S.?" queried Mr. Pedagog.

"Yes," returned the Idiot. "Bachelor of Society--a degree which, once
earned, should entitle one to recognition as a member of the upper ten
anywhere in Christendom."

"It is superb!" cried Mr. Pedagog, enthusiastically.

"Yes," said the Idiot. "At ten cents a function it would beat University
Extension out of sight, and, further, it would preserve society. If we
lose society we lose caste, and, worse than all, our funny men would
have to go out of business, for there would be no fads or Willieboys
left to ridicule."

VII

A Beggar's Hand-book

"Mr. Idiot," said the Poet one morning, as the waffles were served, "you
are an inventive genius. Why don't you invent an easy way to make a
fortune? The trouble with most methods of making money is that they
involve too much labor."

"I have thought of t