, who had
treated me with so much hospitality and kindness. They will probably send
me your letter, if it arrives this morning; for here we are likely to
remain, I am afraid to think how long.

The vessel is very commodious, and the captain a civil, open-hearted kind
of man. There being no other passengers, I have the cabin to myself,
which is pleasant; and I have brought a few books with me to beguile
weariness; but I seem inclined, rather to employ the dead moments of
suspence in writing some effusions, than in reading.

What are you about? How are your affairs going on? It may be a long time
before you answer these questions. My dear friend, my heart sinks within
me!--Why am I forced thus to struggle continually with my affections and
feelings?--Ah! why are those affections and feelings the source of so
much misery, when they seem to have been given to vivify my heart, and
extend my usefulness! But I must not dwell on this subject.--Will you not
endeavour to cherish all the affection you can for me? What am I
saying?--Rather forget me, if you can--if other gratifications are dearer
to you.--How is every remembrance of mine embittered by disappointment?
What a world is this!--They only seem happy, who never look beyond
sensual or artificial enjoyments.--Adieu!

------ begins to play with the cabin-boy, and is as gay as a lark.--I
will labour to be tranquil; and am in every mood,

Yours sincerely

* * * *

* * * * *

LETTER XLIX.

Thursday.

HERE I am still--and I have just received your letter of Monday by the
pilot, who promised to bring it to me, if we were detained, as he
expected, by the wind.--It is indeed wearisome to be thus tossed about
without going forward.--I have a violent head-ache--yet I am obliged to
take care of the child, who is a little tormented by her teeth, because
------ is unable to do any thing, she is rendered so sick by the motion
of the ship, as we ride at anchor.

These are however trifling inconveniences, compared with anguish of
mind--compared with the sinking of a broken heart.--To tell you the
truth, I never suffered in my life so much from depression of
spirits--from despair.--I do not sleep--or, if I close my eyes, it is to
have the most terrifying dreams, in which I often meet you with different
casts of countenance.

I will not, my dear ------, torment you by dwelling on my sufferings--and
will use all my efforts to calm my mind, instead