Feebly did I afterwards combat an affection, which seemed twisted in
every fibre of my heart. The world stood still when I thought of him; it
moved heavily at best, with one whose very constitution seemed to mark
her out for misery. But I will not dwell on the passion I too fondly
nursed. One only refuge had I on earth; I could not resolutely desolate
the scene my fancy flew to, when worldly cares, when a knowledge of
mankind, which my circumstances forced on me, rendered every other
insipid. I was afraid of the unmarked vacuity of common life; yet, though
I supinely indulged myself in fairy-land, when I ought to have been more
actively employed, virtue was still the first mover of my actions; she
dressed my love in such enchanting colours, and spread the net I could
never break. Our corresponding feelings confounded our very souls; and
in many conversations we almost intuitively discerned each other's
sentiments; the heart opened itself, not chilled by reserve, nor afraid
of misconstruction. But, if virtue inspired love, love gave new energy to
virtue, and absorbed every selfish passion. Never did even a wish escape
me, that my lover should not fulfil the hard duties which fate had
imposed on him. I only dissembled with him in one particular; I
endeavoured to soften his wife's too conspicuous follies, and extenuated
her failings in an indirect manner. To this I was prompted by a loftiness
of spirit; I should have broken the band of life, had I ceased to respect
myself. But I will hasten to an important change in my circumstances.

My mother, who had concealed the real state of her affairs from me, was
now impelled to make me her confident, that I might assist to discharge
her mighty debt of gratitude. The merchant, my more than father, had
privately assisted her: but a fatal civil-war reduced his large property
to a bare competency; and an inflammation in his eyes, that arose from a
cold he had caught at a wreck, which he watched during a stormy night to
keep off the lawless colliers, almost deprived him of sight. His life had
been spent in society, and he scarcely knew how to fill the void; for his
spirit would not allow him to mix with his former equals as an humble
companion; he who had been treated with uncommon respect, could not brook
their insulting pity. From the resource of solitude, reading, the
complaint in his eyes cut him off, and he became our constant visitor.

Actuated by the sincerest affection, I u