more than fancy--After some sleepless, wearisome nights, towards the
morning I have grown delirious.--Last Thursday, in particular, I imagined
------ was thrown into great distress by his folly; and I, unable to
assist him, was in an agony. My nerves were in such a painful state of
irritation--I suffered more than I can express--Society was
necessary--and might have diverted me till I gained more strength; but I
blushed when I recollected how often I had teazed you with childish
complaints, and the reveries of a disordered imagination. I even
_imagined_ that I intruded on you, because you never called on me--though
you perceived that I was not well.--I have nourished a sickly kind of
delicacy, which gives me many unnecessary pangs.--I acknowledge that life
is but a jest--and often a frightful dream--yet catch myself every day
searching for something serious--and feel real misery from the
disappointment. I am a strange compound of weakness and resolution!
However, if I must suffer, I will endeavour to suffer in silence. There
is certainly a great defect in my mind--my wayward heart creates its own
misery--Why I am made thus I cannot tell; and, till I can form some idea
of the whole of my existence, I must be content to weep and dance like a
child--long for a toy, and be tired of it as soon as I get it.

We must each of us wear a fool's cap; but mine, alas! has lost its bells,
and is grown so heavy, I find it intolerably troublesome.----Good-night!
I have been pursuing a number of strange thoughts since I began to write,
and have actually both wept and laughed immoderately--Surely I am a
fool--

MARY W.

* * * * *

LETTER X.

Monday Morning.

I REALLY want a German grammar, as I intend to attempt to learn that
language--and I will tell you the reason why.--While I live, I am
persuaded, I must exert my understanding to procure an independence, and
render myself useful. To make the task easier, I ought to store my mind
with knowledge--The seed time is passing away. I see the necessity of
labouring now--and of that necessity I do not complain; on the contrary,
I am thankful that I have more than common incentives to pursue
knowledge, and draw my pleasures from the employments that are within my
reach. You perceive this is not a gloomy day--I feel at this moment
particularly grateful to you--without your humane and _delicate_
assistance, how many obstacles should I not have had to encount